Clear and Present Danger

The Ring

'Please talk to your Eomma,' SJ reminded me as I bent down to kiss him. He had suffered quite a lot in this ordeal and it's just fitting that I take care of him, other than that being the duty of a wife to her husband. I want him to recover right away, as I truly wanted to start living the life I have always dreamed of before all these things happened.

I remember my Appa when he told me that if I should marry, I have to stand by him no matter what happens. I knew that I had the capacity to rescue him, so I did what I had to do. Loving SJ is the only thing that made me realize that even if I had a dark past, there is always that light no matter how faint it is at the end of the long tunnel. He affirmed everything that I am worthy to be saved, even if I felt that I was being pulled lower and lower into the pit of sin, he was there to guard me. He was there ready to come with me and pull me out, much as he wanted to pull himself up from where we are.

He seemed to be an angel sent to save me. The worst is over, and I vowed to leave the life that I had been living, a double standard life. I am ready to live freely.

I went out of our room and gently closed the door. Walking towards the lounge, I saw my Eomma on the windowsill, with her back facing me. The scene was too familiar, and I was actually afraid that if I blinked, she would be gone. She would leave me again without any explanation, without any goodbye. I stood frozen in my place, as I felt my feet heavy trying to take a step towards the lounge. For so long I have detested her, after knowing that she went with the general and left us for good. Appa had not told me about it, but I found out about it on my own. 

Eomma turned around and I bet she saw me fluster. She smiled awkwardly and I wondered how I would react to that. I went to her, heavy footsteps and all that, then I decided to talk to her once and for all.

'Eomma.' Those words left my lips some time ago. I was a young girl then, and I remembered the last time I mentioned her name I was too naive to notice that there was something wrong. She was younger then too. Looking at her now, I noticed the lines that took a toll on her beautiful face. She kept her beauty still, but then the lines of time truly manifested in her physicality already.

'Yeonah,' she replied. Her voice was somehow hoarse, but it may be because of the tension that took place earlier in the day. I noticed she was somehow holding back to come nearer, and a hint of tear was formed in her eyes. I was standing closer to her now, and I was amazed because even if my feet felt heavy walking towards where she was, maybe it was that longing and love that I deeply had for her that led me to where she is.

I suddenly lunged forward to just hug her. That feeling of being able to hold her in a moment, that feeling of being able to touch her again after all these years of denying myself of the thought that yes, I deeply longed to be with her again.

That feeling only a child can have for her mother.

'Eomma,' I said, faintly as my tears betrayed my eyes and my voice. I clenched her tightly and I closed my eyes, never wanting to open them yet just in case she would once again disappear from where I am. I felt her hand run down my back, and caressing it like a mother would. I felt relieved at the thought that yes, I am once more able to do this with her.

'I'm sorry, Yeonah,' she said, voice choking likewise. We stayed that way for quite a few minutes, each savoring every ticking moment thinking about all the years that passed. I pulled away from her and looking at her, I smiled. Her face definitely had aged, but her eyes remained the same. I could see genuine happiness in them now, unlike the last time when I saw pure pain while I did not even understand it at that time.

'It's okay, Eomma,' I replied. She ran her fingers through my hair and smiled back at me.

'I can't believe my daughter is that brave. And married,' she said. I laughed until I cried again, thinking of all the things that led me to be who I was until earlier in the day.