Seeking Revenge

CHAPTER FOUR: KSENIA

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF-HARM AND MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS

I wake to the familiar sound of birds chirping and take a deep breath. But instead of inhaling the sweet scent of the crisp morning air, the odor of sweaty old shoes and moth-eaten fabric fills my lungs. I roll over and shoot to my feet, disoriented, and wince when my arm resists the movement.

As my eyes dart around the room, I remember what happened last night. You're not in danger, I remind myself, attempting to return my heart rate to normal. I gingerly sit back down on the bed to slow the spinning room.

I recall last night's fight as I wait for the room to still, going over every little detail. I could have come out of it without a single scratch if I hadn't forgotten about that Warrior... Sloppy. And the pain when he sliced me almost made me pass out, which means I still need my pain-tolerance training. I sigh and push myself to my feet, slower this time. I should get it over with while I have some free time.

Taking a dagger from my bag, I make my way to the bathroom and pull the door closed behind me. The grimy mirror mimes my movements as I set the knife on the rotting countertop. A pail of water is sitting on the floor, so I pick it up and use it to fill the washbasin.

After scrubbing my hands and knife with a bar of soap, I press the cold blade to my skin and slide it across my wrist. I bite my lip as tears spring to my eyes. Drops of blood drip into the basin and dissolve into the water, making it cloudy.

I focus on the pain and take deep breaths. Pain is an emotion. I can control it. Pain is an emotion. I can control it...

I chant a few minutes more to no avail. The pain is still just as intense as all the other times.

Bringing the training to a close, I grab one of my old shirts and cut off a strip of the black fabric to tie around the new cut. There's no need to change since I fell asleep in the dress, and it's not like I have anything else I can wear in town anyway. Creatures will give me strange looks if I walk around wearing a men's oversized Warrior uniform. After finger-combing my hair and
re-braiding it, I'm ready to head downstairs.

What will Larken think if he sees the new cut?

The thought stops me in my tracks; the last thing I need is for him to question me about this. I twist the extra fabric around the tied part to make it look more like a bracelet than
a bandage.

I'll have to get a long-sleeved dress at the shops.

Tap, tap.

I look to the window where a little bird is perched on the outside ledge. I move to the window and wrestle to make a wide enough opening for it. Once there's enough room, it readily hops into my outstretched hand.

"Hey there, little guy," I coo, gently stroking the top of its tilted head with my finger. The beautiful green, red, blue, and purple feathers gleam in the morning light. "You sensed my magic, didn't you? Just like the others." A small smile lights my face as it chirps its response.

My stomach growls, and I reluctantly decide it's time to get on with my day. I shoo away the other birds that gathered on the windowsill and let my new friend hop back onto the ledge. Its shiny black eyes peer up at me before belting another short string of notes and flying to the trees across the way, following closely behind its companions.

I place the room-keys and money into my smaller satchel and head for the stairs, locking the door behind me. Downstairs, there's already some activity in the pub. It's not as full as last night, but there are some creatures scattered about the room--day-drinkers huddled at the bar; a couple of skimpily-dressed women looking for someone to entertain; and a few creatures eating breakfast at the rickety tables. The morning light streams in through the windows, some of it shining on the musicians like a spotlight while they play some slow tunes. Everyone's smiling and chatting with their friends. It makes me sick to my stomach.