ALL THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND

For Old Time's Sake

I have only one faint memory of the times when my family was a whole.

            Just in the outskirts of town, there’s a huge open space of nothing but long wavy grass, and they would dance in a radiant harmony in the wind. The park had an essence that would provoke one to think of the inner affection developed and shared within family. This was one place which actually felt safe for us to go at the time. It was away from the disturbances of town’s obnoxious noises, and held sentimental value to all those who visited.

            I remembered just how it seemed to stretch out forever, the grassy field danced eternally. A sea of land, my father originally called it.

            I remembered snippets of being there one day, when the field was lively and cheerful while it bathed in the sparkly sunlight. My parents had a blanket rolled out over the sweet soft grass, where they would blissfully lie. I still didn’t have a clear picture of what my father looked like, but I do remember that he eventually crawled off the blanket and called out to me from where I was playing. “Sea, come here! Sea!” he shouted into the open air. I came running towards him, with my little feet awkwardly clomping over the ground in my pink Velcro sneakers.

            He then wrapped me into his grasp, and pointed his long arm to the very edge of the field and informed me of a magical kingdom dwelling in the midst of the field flowers. My young mind accepted the fact automatically, and happily trailed behind my father as he explained the magical stories behind the tall flowers that stood there. My mother also struggled off of the blanket, and awkwardly hobbled over towards our path. She soon caught up to trail behind us as we trudged along.

            “This is Queen Ann’s Lace,” my father told me, as he stopped to tug a flower out of the ground. My mother gigged as he said that Ann, the fairy queen specifically used that flower for lace to sew beautiful ball gowns. I remember feeling me eyes widening when he and my mother told me stories about Queen Ann and her wonderful kingdom concealed secretly in the mysterious field. I held the Queen’s flower in my hand, admiring the white lacy beauty of it as I listened.

            Looking back, I can’t remember any other time my mother was as childlike and happy as when she was beside my father that day. I couldn’t remember another place where her dark hair hung behind her shoulders, swaying as she spun and danced like the fairy she was. Certainly, there was no other known radiance to her then when the light splashed across her face in a magical knowledge of having her perfectly imperfect family near.

            The magic of our kingdom had slipped through my fingertips as soon as it was exposed to me. When my father, the ruler of innocence and childlike bliss failed to return home one night, my mother failed to remain living. When he left, he took the magic and wonder with him. I always pictured him packing up a black suitcase, putting away old stories and figments of imagination, and locking them to take elsewhere. I couldn’t say where he went, or where he took that happiness I used to know. My mother refused to believe that he simply stole our joy and walked out, but I never developed my own theory. I was one to desperately seek information, but that was one slice of knowledge that I was to afraid to be ready for.

“Wait a minuet Sea. You want to go where?” Sherry asked, breaking me out of my flashback.

            She looked over at me with wide, concerned eyes, and then back at the road. I observed the neighbourhood out the passenger seat’s window.

            “Just to the park type thing outside of town… I can’t remember what it’s called, Queen Ann’s Lace something, I think.”

            “You mean Queen Ann’s Trail? Why would you want to go there?” she quizzed with a demanding curiosity.

            “I went there before with my parents. I just want to see it again…I don’t know…”