~Home~ an adoption au sbi

Chapter one| nightmares

Y/n POV
T/W
Mentions of self harm, past abuse, alcohol, intrusive thoughts ( I think that's it please tell me if I need more)

It's 3am and I still haven't slept. Tubbo was in my arms asleep. I don't want to wake him up but my arms hurt like a bitch. I put on music to try and distract from the pain. I start to drift off to sleep while listening to "hey there Delilah" by the Plain White T's.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM" I screamed at my "father" who was about to hit him with the empty whiskey bottle. "YOU LITTLE SHIT GET OVER HERE" he screamed from across the hall. As I hazardly walked over I hear my name being called.

I wake up to tubbo screaming my name hugging me tightly. "...it was just a dream..?" Tubbo looks up at me "y/n what was your dream about..?" He asked in his soft voice it sounded like honey. I just tell him bot to worry about it and he listens l. "We're seeing another family today!" Tubbo says as I start to get dressed relising I can't find my usual hoodie that I always wore when meeting new people "...shit" I wisper so tubbo can't hear. " okay what about we get ready eat some breakfast and then we should be ready to meet them" I say while getting his clothes ready for him to change in. He was going to wear his brown and yellow striped sweater with his jeans. He was always fascinated with bees they were always his favorite. He always brought the bee plush everywhere. Our birth parents gave it to him for his second birthday. Now it's all beat up but it got him through a lot of shit. "y/n you ok..?" I hear tubbo say getting me out of my thoughts. "Yeah tubs just fine are you dressed?" I ask trying to ignore my thoughts bursting through my head. Things I didn't want in my head "go cut yourself" no I can't that's... "Do it NOW" tubbo was still talking but I couldn't hear him. I walk into the bathroom and find the razor blade that I used about a week ago I think I don't have a perception of time. I make one or two cuts before I remember we were meeting people in two hours so I get my clothes on. I comb through my hair and get a yellow jumper with a drawing of sunflowers in a vase on it with a collard shirt underneath and some jeans.

Finally after about half an hour I walk out of the bathroom seeing tubbo talking to his friend ranboo I walk up to them and realize we haven't eaten yet. I don't normally eat a lot but I am trying to atleast eat I bite or two for tubbo.

We walk in the cafeteria looking room and get what looks like to be oatmeal. Tubbo and ranboo are still deep into conversation so I can make sure tubbo isn't making me eat to much. I eat a bite and I can't handle the texture so I excuse myself and run up to the bathroom again to throw up. I hated this. I just want to be normal. I hear ranboo and tubbo looking for me so I quickly brush my teeth to get the scent out of my mouth and get ready to see them. I walk out to see a crying tubbo and ranboo trying to comfort him. I run up and ask what's wrong in a rush. Ranboo explained how he got scared when I left him alone so I hug tubbo until he calms down then hear a worker calling for us from down the stairs.

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This is the first part sorry if it sucks ass but yeah I might not post till Monday because I'm busy for this weekend

Go drink some water and eat something take your meds if you haven't yet and go sleep you deserve it I'm proud of you<3