Secrets - A Wolfstar and Jily Story

Prolouge

When I was eleven, I opened the train doors for the first time. Everyone seemed so big. Not in size, just in soul. It doesn't even make sense to me. But I was so scared of everyone. I was so small. A tiny fragile boy with scars over his face. A nerdy, scrawny preteen with ripped jumpers and dirty shoes.

He was so clean. His hair was black like my family's velvet couch and his skin was tanned from a summer's sun. He was in pristine clothes. He looked at the train like it was a new home, not a new thing to be afraid of. I guess I envied that.

When I opened the train door I saw him for the first time. Him and James laughing together. The rest of the cabins were full. He was the first one to look up, raising his eyebrows at me. I had told him that I had nowhere else to sit. They both smiled and patted on the seat. And then Peter came back with heaps of sweets.

When I was thirteen Sirius got taller. He came onto the train that year with black locks down to his shoulders, curled. Light eyeliner outlining his already perfect shaped eyes. He wasn't lanky and skinny but instead muscular and perfect. He was hot, and holy shit...I panicked. I don't think I spoke more than a few words that train rides. I couldn't find words. I just kept looking at him whenever I could sneak it.

A few weeks later I realized what that butterfly feeling was. I realized that it wasn't normal. I realized that I wanted to kiss Sirius more than anything. And I did everything I could to stop that part of me. It wasn't right after all. He was my best mate, and it wasn't fair for me to think of him like that.

Thirteen was the year everyone realized what it meant to crush on someone. Peter liked a fifth year hufflepuff for about a week before deciding crushes were stupid. I don't blame him, crushes do feel like shit sometimes. James started to pine after Lily more than ever before. He became Mr. "I'll wait for her". But I admire his dedication.

Sirius never really "crushed" on anyone. He just kissed girls that were into him. And that meant A LOT of girls. It got quite annoying most of the time. Everyone in the group always asked me who my crush was, but I never "had one". If I ever told anyone about that part of me, I'd ruin everything.

It wasn't normal for me to find friends. Not only that but they weren't scared of the wolf part of me. I couldn't lose them over this. I could hide it.

And I've been hiding it ever since.