Dsmp X Male Reader

Sapnap x Depressed reader

Im gonna start off by saying i had this idea earlier but I didnt bother to start writing it and please dont read if you get easily triggered but any of the following things
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TW:
Self harm, suicidal thoughts, mention of suicide, small panic attack, fat shaming (on yourself)

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Y/n's Pov

I was having a bad day, my mental health was getting worse and it just wasn't going right for me today. I felt like crawling into somewhere small never to be found. Away from reality even just for a minute. This wasn't unusual it usually was a reaccuring thing for me to feel like this but my loving boyfriend, Sapnap or Nick, was normally here to stop me from doing anything to myself but he wasn't here he was at getting shopping for us to eat later. And it just so happened to start 10 minutes after he left.

I walked around the bathroom looking down at the far too familiar blade on the sink. I didn't want to do ot but something was telling me I needed to. I tried my best to ignore the erge to grab the blade and go crazy till I realise what I'm doing. Till it got the better of me and as hot tears fall down my face and I picked up the blade and started naming the reasons for each cut. 

I deserve this 

I don't deserve him he needs better

I'm so overweight

All I do is bother him

I get in the way of all the good he ha

I ruin everything

I said to myself as I cut farthur into my wrist I then stop to see 15 fairly big cuts up my arm. I grab some bandages and antiseptic wipes. I wipe the cuts clean and wrap them in the bandages. I then went into the waldrobe and got out the hoodie i usually wear when I'm in this kind of mood. I just have to make sure Nick doesn't see me wearing it. 

It had been about an hour since Nick left and I was lead in bed listening to music. I usually turn to music when Nick isn't here but I was to far out of my mind to think about music. I could hear somthing faint from outside the bedroom but I didn't think anything of it. I had taken the bandages of about 10 minutes ago because the bleeding had stopped and it began to itch. 

Suddenly the bedroom door opened. I then realised that Nick was home. Then I looked down and saw I was still in my sad hoodie. "Y/n." Nick said looking at me confused. "Oh hey Nick," I said trying to hide I was crying not long ago. "Why are you in that hoodie Y/n," Nick asked. "You only wear it when your sad or you've harmed yourself." 'Shit' I thought to myself as I tried to come up with an excuse. "I- All my other hoodies are dirty and I got cold," that was a lie.I was boiling but I needed to try cover it up, but he looked right through me. "No Y/n your not cold and plus I put all your hoodies back in the waldrobe before I left whilst you made breakfast." 'Crap I forgot' "So what happend whilst I was out," he said starting to get the feeling he already knew. "Nothing, I was just here listening to music whilst you went out," I lied to try cover up what happend. 

It had been a few minutes since Nick had said anything, He didn't look convinced. I held my breath hoping he'd drop it, but I was wrong. "Y/n come here," He said. I did as I was asked and walked over to him. I knew what he was gonna do, this usually happend once a week. He would ask me to show him my arms if I hesitated he'd look but if i didn't he wouldn't knowing I would've hesitated If I did do it. "Show me your arms," he said as I predicted I put out my arms waiting for him to say 'Okay your good' but he didn't he didn't look convinced. He then proceeded to lift the sleeves of the hoodie. 

I froze as he turned over my arms to find all of the new cuts on both arms. My cheecks felt wet all of a sudden only to find out i was crying when Nick wiped the tears out of my eyes. "Why, Why did you do this." Nick asked dissappointed. By this time More tears ran down my face as I begin to realise that I upset him because I couldn't keep myself together for 10 minutes. 

Imoved away from Nick not wanting to hurt him anymore than I already did. "Y/n?" He questioned. "Y/n answer me," He said as he movedcloser to me. I shook my head and moved away as he tried to come closer to me. "P-please N-nick I-i don't want to hurt you anymore," I sobbed turning away to leave. But he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. "Y/n, the only thing that could hurt me is you leaving, please don't go. I-I need you." he cried as he held me tight close to him as if i were to dissolve intothe air. It took me a minute before I cried hugging onto him afraid he wasn't real.

"I thought t-that that I wasn't good e-enough f-for you t-that you d-deserve better. That Im so overweight just look at how disgusting I am no one would want me." I sobbed. I then looked up at him he was in shock. "Y/n don't you EVER say that about yourself again. You are perfect, and I wouldn't want anyone else other than you. You make all my bad days good with your smile I wouldn't want to see you self destuct just because of those thoughts that want you to be torn apart just know that I will never leave and will never stop loving you." He said as he lifted up my chin to look at him.

He then leant in and kissed me I kissed back tears of happiness ran down my face. I had a place here, with him, with Nick. I knew that he wouldn't leave me because of some small detail that could be fixed if wanted to. I knew that he'd be there for me and I will always be there for him.

We moved to the sofa and wrapped ourselves in blankets and sat and cuddled as we watched a film till our eyes fell heavy and into our dreams.

Just as I drifted off I heard Nick whisper.

"I love you Y/n."

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I started writing this the other day and I already have a part 2 to this im already about 2 and a half pages in because i wrote it in a book i was supposed to use for school but who likes school anyway.

Enjoy your day/night ☀️🌙

- Aiden🐍🐾💛