Crazy Funny Stories

The Story of BOB

Once upon a time, there was a chicken named BOB. Yes, I said a chicken. BOB was very particular about his name. First of all, he HAD to be called BOB. Not Bobby. Not Bobo. BOB. And it had to be spelled in all capitals too. 

Here's what would happen if you called him a) something other than BOB or b) didn't put "BOB" in all capitals:

BOB would look at you with sad chicken eyes, and you would feel so guilty about calling him something other than BOB. You would also probably feel really guilty about all the chicken nuggets and Chick-Fil-A that you've eaten.

If you kept calling him something else even after that, BOB would get angry. And when I say angry, I mean ENRAGED. As anyone who has ever gotten chased and pecked by an angry chicken can tell you, you do not want to be anywhere near that chicken. (I am one of those people, unfortunately.) So please, call him BOB.

Anyway, one day, BOB went to the farmer's market. You don't want to know how he got there. Let's just say he teleported somehow. So, *POOF*, BOB was at the farmer's market. BOB felt very important. He strutted along the stalls, feeling very proud of himself. Quite a few farmers saw him and were going to try to catch him, but they saw his very sharp talons and thought better of it.

Then, the sky darkened, thunder boomed, and lightning crashed. Well, not really, but it seemed so to BOB. What really happened was that a four-year-old girl named Izzy had spotted him and stepped into his path. She squealed. "MOMMY, MOMMY LOOK!!!! IT'S AN ADORABLE CHICKEN AND I WANT IT!!!! I WANT TO NAME IT BELLA!!!! HIIIIII BELLAAAAA!" she yelled. "Mhm okay, please be quiet," said Izzy's mom, not paying attention. 

Everyone at the farmer's market was temporarily deafened because four-year-olds have superior vocal cords, and they can make more noise on their own than New York City on a Monday morning. Everyone was deafened, that is, except for Izzy, Izzy's mom, who was more than used to it, and BOB. Chickens have much better hearing than what y'all think.

BOB started running. While he had faced many enemies and won, Izzy, a four-year-old girl, was too powerful even for him. However, as anyone who has ever babysat a four-year-old knows, they are MUCH faster than most people realize.

 BOB was soon engulfed in an enthusiastic strangle-hug by Izzy. "OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU BELLA!!" she squealed. BOB was very mad. However, he was also slowly suffocating. Izzy must have noticed how blue BOB was getting, so she loosened her hold a little. 

Izzy took BOB home. She dressed him up in princess outfits and painted his claws a sparkly hot pink. She gave him strangle hugs whenever he tried to struggle or escape. And he got shoved into her pink play kitchen whenever Izzy's mom came to check on her. Over time, BOB got used to it. He began to enjoy it. And he and Izzy lived happily ever after. 

                                                                             THE HAPPY END

Now, this is the less-than-happy end. 

Izzy took BOB home. However, she didn't realize that her mom had no idea she'd brought home a chicken. She thought as any four-year-old would, that her mom had said yes to getting the chicken earlier. One day she was dressing BOB up in her doll clothes when her mother came in. "WHAT IS THAT DIRTY CHICKEN DOING IN MY HOUSE?!?!?" Izzy's mom yelled. You could really see the similarities between Izzy and her mom at that moment. They both could yell much louder than the average human. "THIS IS BELLA REMEMBER!!" Izzy yelled back. Izzy's mom was less than pleased. She took BOB, put him in her car, and drove off to the nearest Chick-Fil-A. BOB became 8 chicken nuggets and one of their chicken burgers. And that was the end of BOB. 

                                                               THE UNHAPPY END

A/N: Alrighty, that was the first story. What did you think? If you liked this, please vote and comment and I'll see you for the next bit of craziness!