Long May She Reign (1)

(XLVII) Amahle

10th April 1563

Lorent survived the week. The physician says that he will never fully recover from his injury but it is highly likely that he will survive. His physical disability will mean that he can no longer serve as a Queen's guard, but I hope that one day soon I will be able to offer him something better, something of higher status. 

18th April 1563

I wrote to Charles, informing him of what happened, I didn't want him to worry, though no doubt he already is. I fear for Harry. I fear that he will be the next person in the firing line. I am conflicted with myself, wondering whether he would be safer in France. He wouldn't be safe anywhere he went, but with tension so high in Ireland and Scotland, France may be the safest haven. 

25th April 1563

Lorent is walking again, much to the pleasure of Gwendolyn who had sat at his bed side every day since the incident. 

Alix came to me this morning, she wanted to apologise. I can hardly blame her for the words she said to me but I will not pretend that I was no hurt by the blame that she solely placed on me.  She told me that she was worried she would have to lose another brother. She explained to me that she regretted what she had said soon after she had said it. She knows it was his job to protect the Queen but she chose to portray her worry and fear as anger, and projected those feelings onto the nearest person she could find, me.

30th April 1563

I have found land in the Killarney region of Ireland, it has a vacant stately home right in its countryside. I will make it a gift to my most loyal soldier. 

The gift that I will present him with will not be just the promise of a roof over his head, but will come with the title of 'lord of the manor' which would promote him from just being a 'sir'.  Perhaps this will promote further loyalty to the crown in the future. 

3rd May 1563

Lorent accepted my offer, and he will retire there with the rest of the Leon's whilst he gets better. Gwendolyn asked for my permission to go with them, I accepted because I have a surprise for her too. 

Due to Lorent's lordship, he is of high enough status to marry the daughter of a Welsh Earl. 

Lord Herbert has accepted, and the two can finally get what they have always wanted. 

9th May 1563

Mary promises that the assassin was not sent by her, something I already knew, and she details that Lord Knox was infuriated by my gift. He stated to the Scottish Queen that he had nothing to do with it.

Due to the break up in Scottish and Irish relations, the lords of Edinburgh castle hold him partially responsible. Lord Knox is losing favour in court, and I am winning. 

Elizabeth even offered her services in apprehending Mary for her treason. I, of course, ignored her letter. If she choses to imprison Mary, it would give me viable reasons to launch an attack on England, and without trying to sound like I wish to see my friend fall... without Mary, I would be Queen of Scots. 

21st August 1563 

A lady has come into court claiming to be a seer. She wears colourful clothing, no different to mine, but her skin makes it out to be the brightest and most vibrant of colours. The woman looks like what you and I would perceive as a goddess. Her hair was in hundreds of little braids, nothing like the war braids that I have seen Irish men and women wear so often, the lord only knows how long she had to sit still for that level of perfection. In those braids sat little gems and jewels, she looked as if she too were a Queen. 

Many people of court gave her funny looks, especially when she claimed to be a seer. I was most intrigued by everything she had to say, yet I got warnings not to speak with her. Naturally, I presumed they thought she was a heretic, but of course it was because of the way she looked. I believe that they were jealous that their own wives would never amount to anything compared the woman that was stood before them. 

Her name was Amahle and she has offered to tell me of my future. 

25th August 1563 

Amahle told me my future. She gave me three 'truths'.

She claims that my lineage will not thrive unless I have another child. 

What will this mean for Harry? I asked her what she meant but she expressed that she could explain no more because she did not know. My boy... Will he not live to see his own children?

The second truth was that the only way that I will win the war with England is if I am solidly aligned with France. I must keep Charles on my side, If I lose him, I will lose everything. 

The final truth is something that does not sit well with me. I will lose much more than I gain if I become the Queen of England. 

It just makes me think, is this all worth it. It will not be a win if I lose those who I love the most in the process. I fear that I am too selfish to give up what I was promised, even if it means that I will never be happy. 

I am torn between keeping the people I love, or becoming who I was always meant to be. 

Amahle says that there are always loopholes, but I remember what happened in Francis' loophole. Catherine told me recently that Nostradamus had always seen Francis' death, they saw him die, and so he did. Nostradamus had not see the lengths that Bash went too to bring him back and so the prophecy changed. 

You can defer from the track, but you will always reach the end of the line. 

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AN- sorry guys, this originally wasn't going to be a dairy entry chapter but I didn't feel well today and I couldn't be bothered to get a full chapter written :( 

Amahle- Means the beautiful one, the prettiest, the finest (I got the name of google so sorry if its wrong :))

Would you guys be ok with me skipping a year? I've run out of good ideas and I cba doing diary entries from the rest of 1563 to the July of 1565 literally nothing happens.... at al.

Amahle
Estella Daniels