Just Like We Used to Be (Haikyuu fanfic)

The beginning of the end

"What do you mean 'we don't work'?" interrogates Kenma, a little bit alarmed.

"Did you hear about it?" I ask my brown-haired friend.

"Hm?"  answered Kenma, always so focused on his phone.

"Yamamoto is having a party at his house tonight!"  I exclaimed

"Hm," commented the young boy.

"Are you going?"  I continued. I was used to my setter only using interjections to interact with me.

"Ugh," he grunted.

"Come on! It'll be good for you to get out of your little bubble! And you can get to know the team a little better too!"

Kenma paused his game and looked at me straight in the eyes. His expression was indecipherable, as always. He did not let other people see his emotions unless he wanted them to know how he felt. And that was partly why I admired him. Among other qualities, the golden-eyed boy always made me feel his emotions. Or so I thought.

It's a shame that I was not able to be as transparent as him with mine. I had this big secret that I had been keeping to myself. A big secret about Kenma.

"I guess," he simply replied nonchalantly.

"Yay! More time with Kenma! I shouted happily.

"W-What do you mean, Kuroo?" asks Kenma, a little bit slower this time. I didn't answer the first time he asked. I can't say it. But I have to.

I feel a tear come to the corner of my eye but I wipe it immediately. I am not gonna cry for this. Because it is not the end of us. It is not. We are just talking. Right?

"We've talked about this before, Kenma. I don't think we're right for each other right now..."

I see a water droplet roll down Kenma's cheek and I lose it. I cannot hold back my tears anymore. He knows I am right and that is what pains us even more. We don't need to talk, after all. We just need to put our situation into words. Both of us are sobbing silently. I look away because I can't stand the sight of my bo- my friend hurting. Not when I know I am the main cause.

"Kuroo, I'll... I'll be better. I'll make more efforts, I promise!" cries the boy in front of me.

"It's okay, Kitten. We both know we needed to do this a long time ago." I try to smile. I try to be strong for both of us. Geez, it's so damn hard...

I open my arms for Kenma to find shelter in it but he turns away from me. That one last hug... I needed it and it's been taken away from me. I let my arms fall down to my sides, powerless.

As we arrived at the party, Kenma took my hand. It surprised me but I let it go. He has never been the type to touch people.

"It's gonna be alright," I whispered under my breath for Kenma to hear.

The setter didn't respond but nodded his head. He let go of my hand the second someone approached us and I silently cursed them for making Kenma drop my hand. We talked a little bit with the host and I offered Kenma to get us some drinks. As he heard the words, the beautiful boy's eyes widened.

"Don't worry, they're alcohol-free." I winked at him.

He offered me a weak smile and followed me to the kitchen. If Kenma made one thing clear about the party, it was that he did not want to be left alone. He was kind of antisocial and didn't really get along with Yamamoto. Their personalities were just too different from one another.