FALLING - by Maria Love (a Negan fanfic)

Chapter 7

Nothing would be the same now whichever way it ended, both Negan and I knew that. We were fully aware that what we had was forbidden, for lack of a better word.
I was afraid that if anyone caught wind of our little intimate moment, that it could potentially jeopardise my continuation of living here at Alexandria. I was afraid that the both of us were awaiting a possible exile in the making, or worse.
I sat on my bed mulling over different ways this could all end, and none of the outcomes were good. The only thing I was so sure about was that Negan and I had a connection, I had chemistry with the man who did the worst possible things imaginable to another human being. Why did it have to be him? Out of all people.
Michonne and Father Gabriel were not going to take this well at all, and I was not prepared to come face to face with their reactions. But Aaron finding out was what I dreaded most of all, he absolutely loathed Negan, and no amount of negotiation or interchangeable offers would fix that. I knew that it was only a matter of time until they found out, and that there would be a reckoning to follow. If it were up to them, Negan would've been dead as soon as the war ended. Maybe things would've been better that way.
I couldn't help but wonder whether any of it was worth it, maybe it was better for both parties involved if we just called it quits now before things go south. My heart ached sorely at the thought, but it seemed that there was no other path to take. It took an apocalypse for me to meet Negan, which begs the question, would I have met him at all if things didn't turn out like this? Were we really destined to be together?
I walked at a snails pace to the stables that morning, I wasn't ready to face him. I wasn't prepared for what he had to say. But I needed to be a big girl and confront my dilemmas. Alexandria was a mere plankton compared to the great white shark that was the Mid-Atlantic, which leads me to my two options. Either I leave Alexandria and start over, which was practically a death sentence, or to stop being a coward, grow some balls and do the right thing. I knew what the answer was, which is why I ambled along the pathway up to the horses.

"Howdy ma'm" spoke a familiar voice, looking up I was surprised to see who was stood at the other side of the paddock fence with a grin on his face.

"Jesus ?? What are you doing here ???" I asked in a shriek of excitement. After dropping everything, I practically hurdled over the gate and wrapped my arms around him.

"I begged Maggie to find me a reason to come here and see you, things haven't been the same without you at Hilltop" he said as we made our way over to a nearby bench.

"I miss it. I miss you, I miss Maggie and Hershel. That's not to say it's been bad here, I just miss seeing familiar faces back at home" I say, I began pondering on the word 'home'. Why was Alexandria any less of a home for me than Hilltop? I didn't think the notion of having a home was real anymore. We all lived here because we survived, in any other situation I doubt I would have ever met these people.

"How have you been finding it at Alexandria?" he asked as we sat in the warm sun.

"It's been good".

"Just good?" he asked, pressing me on.

"Yeah, there's not much else to say really. I feel exactly the same here as I did in Hilltop" I explained, which was true. I think I settled here so quickly because I felt very little change in my life, aside from the environment everything else I did was the same. That's excluding the Negan situation, but I wasn't prepared tell him about that just yet.

"How's everyone at Hilltop?" I ask in an attempt to shift the spotlight off of me.

"Everyone's good, horses are doing great. Hershel's even started to walk now, Maggie's over the moon" he says. I got a little sad at the things I had missed at Hilltop, Hershel's first steps was something I would have loved to see. But I kept a smile on my face, I didn't want him thinking I was unhappy here.