Love So Far

One Large Happy Family?

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Jasmina

It was midday, and the family was landing in approximately eight hours.

I was in the worst mood of my entire existence. I was suffering from back pain that made me want to lie in bed all day. It had been over twenty-four hours since Fawad had left for work, and Hania seemed to be in a bad mood as well because she kept screaming and throwing tantrums over the smallest of things. 

Groaning, I realised that I had to get up and get some work done, as everyone was coming tonight. Tears filled my eyes due to sudden fatigue and the pain in my back. I walked into Hania's nursery, and it seemed like my little miss had just woken up from her nap, still in an awful mood. She had thrown out everything from her cot onto the floor, including her Hani doll and her blankie. 

"Hania, for the love of Allah..." I shook my head as she held out her arms, an angry pout on her face. I pulled her out so that I could tidy up her cot, and set her down on the floor. I got down to pick her stuff up, wanting to cry as a sudden sharp jolt of pain ran up my back. 

Meanwhile, Hania was picking up her fallen toys and was angrily throwing them all over the room.

"Hania, stop it!" I told her off in a calm tone. 

But she didn't listen. Instead, she threw her Hani doll at me, furiously. 

I took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She was only two and wasn't aware of what she was doing.

And then she picked up her bottle and threw it right at me, hitting my stomach.

"Hania, stop it!" I yelled, losing my patience.

She visibly jumped, startled, and her eyes filled up almost immediately and her lower lip began to tremble.

The moment the words slipped out of my mouth, I instantly regretted them- or at least my tone.

She ran out of the room, crying. Naturally, I followed, terrified that she would head towards the stairs.

"Hania, Mama's sorry." I wanted to cry and run to my mother myself, but right now I had to set aside my personal feelings and take care of my Hani.

Luckily, she didn't go towards the stairs. She headed towards our bedroom, calling out, "Hani Papa!" She searched around the room, as if he was playing hide and seek with her, and when she didn't find him, she started crying harder. 

"Hania, come here." I sat down on the bed and held out my arms towards her.

She pouted for a while, but then walked up to me, burying her face in my lap.

"Maa dantati bhi hai, aur jab aulaad roti hai dant se to chup bhi wohi karwati hai." Papa used to tease Ammi whenever such incidents used to occur when we were kids.

*"A mother tells you off, and she is also the one to console her child if they cry because of the scolding."

"I'm sorry, Mama ki jaan. I shouldn't have yelled at you." I ran my hand over her head repeatedly. "But don't worry, you Nana Jaan and Nano will tell me off for the next few days if that happens again." 

The thought of everyone being around for the next few days made me feel selfishly relieved. The thought of my mother being around, especially, made me tear up again. These days, I often wanted my mother. It hadn't been this bad when I was pregnant with Hania, but then again, I was in Lahore during my pregnancy with her. I had everyone around me, including my in-laws and my own family, and even when Fawad was at work, there was always someone else around to take care of me. It was damn difficult to manage a pregnancy with a toddler, on my own, especially with Fawad's working hours. I know that I wasn't the first or only woman to do it, but right now I was too overwhelmed to care.