Ashley
2 days ago, lumabas sa ospital ang anak nila Corrine at Sandro. Hindi kamukha ni Sandro si Kenny pero okay lang kasi love na love naman sya ng Mommy at Daddy nya kahit ng Lola nya. Akalain mo yun, naging mapagmahal na Lola bigla ang biyenan ko.
Seventh birthday ngayon ni Kenny at busy ang parents nya pati na rin ang Lola nya sa birthday party. Naiinis naman kasi ako kay Aria, ang sabi ko naman kasi ay gawaan ako ng paraan na magkaschedule pero di nya ginawa kasi daw pinakiusapan sya ng asawa ko na iempty ang araw na ito.
Wala naman akong magagawa.
"Honey! Lahat tayo dapat nakablue."
I smiled and nodded at him.
"Parang masikip naman itong damit mo Honey."
"Si Mama ang bumili eh."
"May iba ka pang blue jan."
"Hindi na Honey, para kapareho ko si Kenny."
"Okay, magsuklay ka muna."
"Okay na Hon. Baba na ako, baba ka na din at marami nang bisita."
"Okay, umuna ka na, magmamake up lang ako."
"Wag masyado maganda ha?"
I kissed him and let him go ahead. Pagbaba ni Sandro, umiyak na ako ng umiyak, iniadvance ko na yung mga iyak na dapat kong iiyak mamaya. Hindi pa man, para na akong paulit-ulit na sinasaksak.
I went down around lunch. Nagtataka ako sa dami ng tao. I never imagined that they would have this much of a visitor.
I saw Sandro holding Kenny's hand. They look good, no they look great. Both of them are too happy. Both are smiling and greeting the guests. Ang cute-cute nilang tingnan pareho sila ng polo shirt. I was about to approach them nung makita ko si Corrine. Corrine's wearing the polo dress version of Sandro and Kenny's polo shirt. Napahawak ako sa puso ko, dapat yata iniwan ko na muna ang puso ko sa kwarto. Maghapon lang itong sasakit.
Everyone in the house were happy. The birthday celebrant, the father, the mother, the grandmother, friends and guests except me. I am there but I was never part of it. Minsan minsan ako ngingitian at sinusulyapan ni Sandro at ngumingiti lamang ako pabalik.
"Masayang masaya ang anak ko ano?"
I smiled. "Opo, napakasaya ni Sandro. Sobrang saya. Kung sana noon pa ay hinayaan nyo sya, matagal na sana silang ganyan kasaya."
"Alam mo naman pala eh, ano pang ginagawa mo dito? Wala ka ng papel sa buhay nya."
"Ako pa rin po kasi ang asawa nya sa papel. Kahit ilang birthday party pa ang icelebrate nyo, kahit ilang beses nyo pa silang bilihan ng ternong damit, sa huli ako pa rin ang asawa ng anak nyo."
"Hanggang kailan naman kaya?"
"Hindi ko po alam eh, baka po kayo alam nyo? Bakit di po anak nyo ang tanungin nyo?"
"Sige lang, maging ganyan ka lang. Di magtatagal iiwan ka rin ng anak ko."
I decided to just drink wine. Masyadong masaya ang lahat nakakasuffocate lalo na when everybody sings Kenny the happy birthday song.
"Happy Birthday to you..."
"Hi Kenny, wish ka muna bago magblow ng cake."
"Wish ko, Sana maging one happy family na po kami."
I saw Sandro's eyes sparkled with tears.
Napangiti na lamang ako. I decided to go away quietly for awhile. I wish the same for you young boy, because for so many years, yan lang din naman ang birthday wish ko.
Then I decided to just check in myself in a hotel and drink until my heart burst. Ako naman kasi talaga yun, ako yung nang-agaw, ako ang hadlang sa masaya at nagmamahalan nilang pamilya. I was nothing but a filler. I was never more than that.
I texted Sandro that I had to leave because I have an early appointment tomorrow. Pero sino bang niloloko ko? Anong early appointment? I choose to turn off my phone and ask someone to buy me a handful of alcohol. Ang tagal ko nang di ginagawa ito ha!
So nasa hotel na ako, I drink everything in front of me. And damn, why the hell it still hurts kahit na umiikot na ang mundo ko? Why is it still stings kahit na maging ulo ko ay kumikirot na.
I got so drunk, so drunk I can't even stand. So drunk that I need to stay here in the tub.
Inabot ako ng dalawang araw para umayos ang pakiramdam ko and hell, it was fun making the hangover go away. I got to forget a little of the pain I am going through but not completely though because at the end of it all, I still need to face my reality.
Yun nga , pagbalik ko Aria and Annika are so mad at me. They are throwing me daggers. Pagbukas na pagbukas ko pa lang ng phone ko, both Aria and Annika had a never stop nagging. Tumigil lang sila nung sinabi kong magpapacheck up ako bukas if and only if, they will stop nagging. Pagdating ko naman sa bahay, nakita ko si Sandro na mukhang stressed na stressed.
"Honey!"
"Ashley! Saan ka ba galing??!! Alalang alala ako sa'yo."
"Diba sabi ko sa'yo may urgent akong ginawa."
"Ano bang urgent yan na walang nakakaalam kung asaan ka?! Anong nangyari sa'yo? Bakit ka kasi umalis? Why are you doing this Ashley?!"
"Nagtext ako sa'yo diba?"
"Tumatawag ako! Di ka sumasagot!!"
I laughed but hugged him so tight.
"Praning ka! Hindi ka pa natutulog ano? Halika nga, matulog ka muna. Ano ba naman yan Sandro ha!"
I pulled him to bed, lay down beside him, and kissed him. Am I ready to let this good thing go?
