Ramblings of a Restless Mind

Prologue

For a long time, I have thought about how to begin this story, how to share my experience and how it would allow me to heal. There were many days that I would think what is the point of sharing such a dark story when I have finally made it into the light. Then I think back on the many nights that I had to sit and read so many self-help books in order to get where I am today. Trust me when I say no one should have to go through that. Feeling so low and lost.

Now I find myself here and ready to tell my story. Ready to hopefully help those who have found my words. Let me begin by informing everyone I am not a writer; I am not an entertainer and I certainly am not a great storyteller. What I can say is that there were many moments I wanted to start a blog, a YouTube channel, anything that would allow my voice to be heard because for many years my voice was not heard.

I remember my first meeting with the devil like it was yesterday. It was a quiet night in the hospital, a long night with nothing exciting to keep me up. Then came my visit to the ICU. The stop had been part of my regular routine, badge myself in, stop at the nurse's station and wait to be attended. Unlike most nights though someone bumped into me.

My first instinct was to turn around and apologize even though it was not my fault, but when I turned around and we locked eyes, I took notice of a smile lingering on the corner of his lips, he spoke, "I'm sorry I should have watched where I was going." My heart dropped.

Thinking back to this moment I was like a deer caught in headlights. Remembering that lingering smile now is haunting. Needless to say, I accepted his apology and turned right back around to wait for assistance at the nurse's station. To my surprise he stood next me and began a casual conversation starting with, "How is your night going" and ending with "See you around."