Ima attempt to write this chapter while I'm at school so uh bare with me 😭 (future me: I never finished this chapter at school I forgot 🏃🏽♀️)
Uh I do have like breaks at school so I can try to write then but right now I'm waiting on the bus so uh yea
It's mad cold fuck (oh this is future me again- I didn't ride the bus to school cs it was to cold😭)
Okay now I'm just writing my thoughts 😭👊🏾
Anywayssssssss...
Ig ima start now uh ... yep🧍🏽♀️
WTF I WROTE THIS PART WEEKSSS AGO😭✋🏾 guys I'm sorry- —————————————————
Alyssa I'm really happy that vallyk apologized to me but it hurts me a lot to know that I caused him to try to kill himself. I didn't mean to obviously I would never do that shit on purpose. I decided that I would take him out for a while to you know catch up and work on our relationship.
Alyssa. Hey bubba you up?
Vallyk. Yepp. What's wrong?
Alyssa. Oh nothing. Can you come over to my house?
Vallyk. Ofc just let me take a shower really quick and I'll be over in like 15
Alyssa. Okayyy I love you
Vallyk. I love you more.
I smiled at his message and then got myself ready. I just had on a light purple shirt with some light washed ripped jeans and then I just had on some air Forces.
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After I got dressed I went downstairs to get a quick snack and then I heard my doorbell ring and saw that it was vallyk
"Heyyy bubs" I said as I let him in and then gave him a hug
"Hey bby" he said hugging back
"You ready to go?"
"Uhh where are we going" he said with a small chuckle
"Out. Come on let's go!!" I said running out the door as he followed behind
"Okay can you tell me where we're going now?" He said putting on his seatbelt
"Nope it's a surprise.."
"Fine."
...
"Okay we're here." I said taking off my seatbelt
"Huh.. oh where tf are we"
"Just come on and I'll show you"
"K"
Once he finally got out of the car I grabbed his hand and took us through a pathway that soon led us to a maze of flowers
"Wow. It's beautiful" vallyk said gazing at all the flowers
"I found this place after you know.. I instantly fell in love with it and so now I come here everyday and just sit and think"
"What do you think about" vallyk said sitting down and then patting the spot next to him
"Whatever is on my mind I guess." I said sitting down next you him.
"But I mostly was thinking about you" I said Turing and looking at him
"Really?"
"Yea. Why wouldn't I be thinking about you?"
"Idk.. maybe Bcs you hated me."
"Yea I did. A lot actually. But I still loved you. My love for you will never go away no matter what happens and I promise you that. Vallyk your my bestfriend no matter if we're dating or not. You've been there for me since day one. I'm not just gonna say that I don't care about you over one little issue that we had. Everyone makes mistakes. I can't hate you for one mistakes out of all the good things you've done."
After what I said vallyk just looked at me for a few seconds and then turned looking straight ahead as he began talking
"You know...it took everything in my to not completely give up. At first I still had hope and thought that you were just mad at the moment so I kept calling and texting and calling and texting until I finally realized that you weren't gonna call or text back. I started to not eat as much. Then I started not eating at all. I started not showering as much to only showering like once a week. I was in the shower one day and saw a razor so I stared at it for a while and thought why not do it bcs the one person that I cared about the most at that moment didn't care about me the same way. So I did it. And then I did it again and again until it turned into an everyday thing. Then one day I saw a bottle of pills sitting on the edge of my dresser and I stared at it for little while and say fuck it. So I got up from out of my bed and took about 20 pills. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. I decided to take a nap and hoped I wouldn't wake up from it.. but I did. Alyssa I don't think you understand how much you can hurt me just by doing the littlest things. And yes ik I need to work on that bcs one day I might actually end up killing myself. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings I didn't mean to. Also I understand if you wanna just stay friends. I uh probably deserve it anyway....."
"Vallyk" I said with tears running down my face
"Yes?" He said as he turned and looked at me
"I'm so fucking sorry. But pls don't ever in your fucking life try to kill yourself. Just know that if I ever get mad at you for something I'm always gonna come back. I can't stay mad forever cs eventually I'm gonna miss you. I'm not gonna stop caring about you I love you to much."
"I love you Alyssa."
"I love you too."
...
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