Converging

All Under Control

Do you know when everything in your life is going well, all aspects of your life seem to be to your satisfaction but there's always something nudging you, in the corner of your mind? Screaming in your head that it could be even better, that there's someone missing. Have you ever had that certain someone somewhere deep in your heart that no matter how hard you try you just can't let go? Have you ever felt this way? No matter what you do, and how happy you have convinced yourself that you are, you can't shake off that memory, that presence. There's not a single day that goes by without me spending at least a minute thinking about him, or just remember the way he is, the way we were.

My name is Anna Marie, though I've been only known as Rogue for many years. I'm twenty-nine and I've been in the business for fourteen years now. I've fought both sides of the battle, in fact, who's to say how many sides to a cause there are? What matters is that I am free now. Free from being imprisoned in my own body due to my powers, it took me freaking ten years to mature them and be free to touch whomever I pleased. And he was there, through the years of struggle, he was there when it happened, when I finally gained control and remained in my life afterwards for a good while. How can I just let go of him?

I am an X-Man and also an Avenger. I've been working with the Avengers a lot lately, in fact. No one really loves me over there, they are just about okay I guess, but I have some X-Men buddies, like Havok and Wolverine over there. The latter one is one of my best friends. The first one is my fuck buddy right now, nothing but that. Long story, I'll get back to it later on.

Most women would like to be on my shoes right now, I'm sure. I get to wear expensive clothes whenever I feel like it, go to expensive and exclusive clubs, party like there's no tomorrow, go on adventures, the most handsome guys in New York want to date me, I work with a bunch of good-looking people who are not only hot but have super powers as well and I have travelled all over the world. Dubai, Tokyo, Rio, Barcelona, Amsterdam, London, you name it. I've been everywhere, and I can always come back whenever I please, well, almost whenever I want to. That is if something unexpected doesn't happen and changes my plans.

You see, I'm from a small town, Caldecott County in Mississippi. That's not the life I was supposed to have. So fuck yeah, I'm pretty happy with the life I lead. If I weren't a mutant with awesome powers, I'd be bare feet at home right now, pregnant with my fourth child while my husband would be out on some beer night with his friends. We'd go to church on Sundays and have boring sex before going to sleep. I'd have to contain myself so kids wouldn't hear us, I'd go to the hair salon and to the gym so that my looks wouldn't let him down and he wouldn't find some other woman. Look at the great life I have instead! I can be and I am whomever I want to be. I go out to clubs, have lots of guys staring at me, wanting to bed me and I get to choose whom I wanna play with. I love the thrill of seduction. But the other night, I found out how that could be dangerous, especially for a girl like me, a notorious superhero, and consequently everyone's favorite target.

Late last September, I got home a little tipsy, and Alex Summers was drinking alone, sitting at the sofa at our common area. Most of the time the women in here are total bitches to me, Alex is my long-time friend, not nearly as close as other X-Men, but still, he knows me while these other people don't. We chatted for a while, I told him about a guy that was playing it rough with me at the bar and he went all paternal, telling me to take care, how these things can go wrong and what's supposed to be steamy and sexy could well end up in a lot of headache. He told me about some incidents he had himself, crazy women that would call him non-stop or would accuse him of using them, when at the night before it had been perfectly obvious that it was going to be a one-time thing. We laughed about it all and our talk ended in 'Wouldn't it be nice if we could fuck one person just for the fun of it and not have to worry about all the rest?' And that's how it started, that night I ended up in bed with him. And also in many other nights after that. The one rule we have is that I should go look for him when I want to do it. That was his idea, him trying to be a gentleman about it. Developing a reliable, high-grade fuck buddy is one of the most difficult, but, ultimately, rewarding, things that a girl can do. We are great in bed but I can't help myself thinking of Remy when I'm coming. And that takes me back to Remy, it was him I was talking about before. I think of him when I see any guy in a trench coat, when I face some challenging situation, I'll think 'What would Remy do'? There are a million things that trigger the memory of him, so much so I get overwhelmed by it sometimes.

It's been one year since we have last seen each other. I was having dinner with Scarlet Witch and Black Widow, they had been mocking my Southern accent and I was about to tell both to fuck off when Natasha asked me if that gorgeous sexy man sitting at a table to our left was my ex-boy. He saw us too, threw his napkin on the table, left a frowning man in tailored suit alone, and approached us. He did his thing, what he usually does, charmed all women and then focused his attention on me. Leaning in to kiss me, he brushed his hand on my face lovingly and our lips touched. He kissed me gently and I kissed him back without a second of hesitation. Sometimes it amazes me how he's got me wrapped around his finger. I left my dinner companions behind and so did he. When we entered the elevator, he hit the emergency button, and we made out. We exchanged very few words before the 'my place or your place' dialogue took place. Before falling asleep in each other's arms, we talked about what we'd both been doing lately and he mentioned the time 'when we were together'. And that's when I learned we weren't anymore, I mean, together. We never broke up, we just drifted away spontaneously, unceremoniously, and much to my surprise, silently. He was always going back to New Orleans while I took the job with the Avengers, it just happened. We were seeing each other less and less until we saw each other no more.

We called each other a couple of times after that night, but it was about it. That's the longest I've been without him in my life and now it's starting to bother me. I won't go looking for him, I know I can lean on him if I ever need him. We have that kind of connection, so I'll just let him be. We are not at the same page right now. I'm a hero and well, he's back to thieving and risking his life for whatever silly reasons people throw at him. I like the stable life of a team better than he does. So that's that.

Even so, I'd think of him every once in a while, he was the man in my life, there's no ignoring it. But he was safely locked in the back of mind. That was until last week, I was with the Avengers Unity Squad hunting down information on the Red Skull's whereabouts since the villain now possesses Professor X's telepathic brain, making him an even greater threat. The team learned that the Skull has a safe in a bank in Bagalia and naturally we made our way there immediately.

Much to my surprise, while breaking into the Red Skull's elaborate section of the bank, Johnny and I run into no one other than him, Gambit, aka Remy LeBeau, my ex-lover, the one and only who has ever truly owned my heart and soul. At the very instant I laid eyes on him, I knew life wouldn't be the same again.

-O-

It's been six months since I met him in that gala fundraiser, when he changed my whole world upside down. Interfering in my life and changing it in all the right ways. He's just asked me if I'd like to move in with him, and I don't know what to make of it. The thing that's bugging me is that her photo is still on show, her striking green eyes and that silly hair of hers with the white streak. Does she dye it that way or is it natural? Because if she dyes it, then she's even dumber than I thought. What about her facial expression? I feel like she's laughing at me. As if her happy face that is perfectly frozen in time, is laughing and thinking 'Yeah, you got that right, I'll always be around, always in his mind.'

Why is it that he keeps his picture with his ex is on display after God knows how long it's been since they were together? I'd been meaning to ask him, but decided against it. Maybe drawing attention to it, to her, would only make things more difficult.

I have to admit I hate how they look so happy in it. That picture has to go, and it has to be his decision. I won't move in while she's still there, omnipotent, dominating. Yeah, he's gotta let it go alright.

-O-o-O-o-O-