On The Edge

Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Control

" Even when I know it's been forever I can still feel the spin. Hurts when I remember and I never wanna feel it again."

Melanie Beaumont

The next couple of days passed by and it wasn't long until the day was finally here. It was the day of the funeral. The thought alone made my insides want to rip apart.

Beth didn't want to do much. She left everything in my name... wanted to be buried next to mom. Wanted a small service. So that's what she got. I picked some flowers for her and the townspeople came for the service.

It was a beautiful service. We watched a small video of her and some of her friends said a couple of words along with me and then we buried her in the ground next to my mom. I couldn't say goodbye. I was too afraid that if I really started crying, I wouldn't stop. I didn't want to deal with the pain, the heartache. I didn't want to be at step one again.

But I was. Even without crying, I knew that I had somehow ended up back at the dark place that I had fought so hard to get out of. I was hurting so much inside I felt like I couldn't breathe. As if I was just watching everything go by.

I ended up letting everyone come to our place for a bit. Some people brought food, some brought flowers, it was nice to know that Beth had people in this town. I always worried that she was alone and yet everyone managed to prove me wrong. She was far from alone. They talked about the memories of her, some from their high school years and some from the present.

They all made sure to tell me how proud she was of me. I ached to hear her laugh again. To watch her sip on some wine while I cooked dinner for us. Unlike my mom, Beth couldn't cook to save her life so I did most of the cooking.

You would've thought that with the death of my parents, I wouldn't have taken anything for granted but I did. I took it all for granted. I never should've yelled at her. I made her life hell the first few years with my disobedience. She just wanted to make me happy. She gave up her life for me. Her freedom. She gave it all up just to take care of me and make sure that I was okay.

I was on the edge of crumbling. Falling apart. I don't understand how people could be so put together after losing someone. I was going numb. It was only a matter of time until it happened. I couldn't push off the inevitable. I just wasn't ready to feel everything yet.

I decided that we would have to sell the house... I didn't have the money to keep it and I wouldn't return to Briar. The last thing that kept me here was Beth and now that she's gone, there's nothing left. I already went through all of her things... All of the things in the house. I donated her clothing and packed away whatever I thought I wanted before shipping it to Texas. I would sort through those things a different time.

Once I left, workers would come and clear whatever was left and that would be it. The house would go back on the market and hopefully I would get a little something out of it.

The memories that lingered here were just too painful to think about. They were brutal, like a punch in the gut, reminding me of all that I had lost. All that I would never get back. Coming home to mom's baking, dad's jokes, Beth shooting me with a water gun. God, even memories of Grayson and I running around the house from when we were kids to our stolen kisses.

It was all too painful to think about yet I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I was suffocating.

"Melanie Beaumont." I heard someone say with a certain tone that I wasn't expecting. Everyone was so kind, so soft spoken, in fear of upsetting but this person, but this person wanted me to be upset.