next to you ❀ l.s.

sixteen - things i can't explain

Harry flinched in his seat when the bell jingled noisily, the door of the restaurant swinging open with a chilly gust of wind. He regained his composure easily, forcing a smile as Liam made his way across the nearly-empty room toward him. He waved to get the other boy's attention, even though he knew that Liam had already spotted him.

"Hey," the other boy greeted warmly, settling into the seat across from him. "Alright?"

Harry nodded, circling his fingers around the coffee cup sitting on the table, which had long gone cold. "How are you?"

"Stressed as hell about my bio exam on Monday, but at least I have the weekend to cram," Liam commented casually, throwing out his problems like autumn leaves into the sharp wind.

Harry wished he could be so open.

Liam glanced at the cash register before looking back at Harry, his eyes flicking momentarily to the drink in his hand. He tilted his head toward the counter. "You gonna order anything else?"

Harry shook his head, wrapping one arm around his stomach. "No, I'm alright. Feeling a bit under the weather, actually."

Liam gave him a questioning look, clearly unconvinced, but he didn't push. He stood from the table to go order his food, sending his chair clattering noisily across the floor. Harry cringed, torn between guilt and embarrassment.

As if he could ever get anything past Liam. He groaned internally, propping his chin up with an elbow on the table.

He was disappointed in himself, more than anything. Sure, he had spoken to his mum on the phone, but she hadn't even said anything particularly pointed. It was just a normal, superficial, check-in conversation, and yet he could feel himself retreating further into himself with each minute that passed. All he could do now was grasp helplessly for handholds on reality and pray he could hold off through his date with Louis. He refused to let the day be ruined by something so small and irrelevant, especially when he was going on a second date with the most beautiful boy he had ever met in just a few short hours.

"Harry," Liam prodded. "Did you hear what I said?"

Harry hadn't even noticed the other boy come back to the table. He blinked a few times slowly before shaking his head apologetically.

Liam's brow furrowed. He picked up his sandwich, calling attention away from Harry even as he asked, "You sure you're alright?"

Harry nodded. He realized suddenly that he was chewing so hard on his lower lip that he tasted blood, and he took a quick sip of his cold coffee to wash it away. "I'm supposed to see Louis tonight," he said, changing the subject.

Liam's eyes lit up. "Like a proper date? That's so exciting."

And Harry nodded, even as the knots in his stomach tugged even tighter, the strings pulled so taught that he wondered if they might snap under the pressure. He took another sip of his drink, hoping that Liam wouldn't notice how the cup trembled in his unsteady hand.

Luckily, he didn't, continuing, "Are you planning it out, or is he? Did he say he was going to pick you up -- or does it count as picking you up if he just walks next door?" He paused, taking a breath and a moment to observe Harry's tense demeanor. "I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but the words caught behind the lump in his throat. He swallowed hard, forcing the lump back down into his chest, settling just overtop of his heart.

"Harry. Seriously. You okay?"

"I'm, uhh . . . I think I need to go."

Standing abruptly from the table, Harry quickly gathered his things, struggling to slip his coat over his shoulders. Liam stood as well, following the younger boy's lead with a confused look on his face. His lunch lay half-eaten on the table, long forgotten.