Two Sides to Every Story

Metamorphosis

The night I met you a butterfly found her way into my open chest cavity. She heard me say "I don't believe in love", yet the second you promised to show me it was real she flew in between one of the cracks in my walls. There she found her home, warmed by my beating heart. That night will be etched into my memory forever: your smile, your laugh, and the way you seemed to be constructed of stardust. That night felt infinite. You made me feel infinite. Our conversations were endless. As if our souls were one and the same, we finished each other's sentences. I had barely known you 24 hours, yet I recognized you better than you could yourself.

All of this said, that was not love. I was not to be swayed so easily. Everyone knows that love is pain, it is the double-edged sword that kills us both at the same time. Look at what happened to Romeo and Juliet, love leaves no survivors. Why should I have faith in something that simply takes? I had never been in love and it was going to stay that way.

Somehow you began to weave your way further into my life, despite my hesitance. Each time you were brought into my presence, my butterfly would flap ferociously. She would beat her wings, force air up my windpipe, and trample my tongue each time I tried to speak to you. I would try to drown her out, compulsively sipping water through our drawn out conversations. Yet, she would not give up. Her wet wings, sprayed water along my insides, radiating chills through my chest. It was impossible to focus on you, when I was so deeply enamored with your presence.

That was all it was, though. I was in adoration of your presence. The tilt of my head to stare into the embers that lit your eyes and the feeling it provoked, was my obsession. It was the feeling you lent me, that tempted me to fall into this... trap! Still, I stayed grounded and refused any invitations into this galaxy of yourself. I knew better. I've seen this all before.

Then we found ourselves, you me & my butterfly, entirely alone. Against my better judgement, I allowed myself to fall victim to the strength of your gravitational pull. My body aligned itself perfectly with yours, sparking electricity upon touch. Still, you leaned into me. You looked at me with your wide-eyes and my butterfly began flap her wings. She was uncontrollable, the beating so hard I couldn't bear to think. Your hand delicately rested on my chin and our lips collided. Instantaneously, we birthed a galaxy just for ourselves. When all I really wanted was to stay on the ground, my butterfly had to beat her wings so hard we levitated. Now, there was no ground for me to speak of.

Regardless of this, I remained disillusioned of my strength. I believed in my core, that I was capable of coming down anytime I wanted. Therefore, I was still untainted by love. This was just a temporary feeling that brought me unimaginable joy. It was not love. It was an experience. It was weightlessness. I did not belong you, you did not belong to me, the shackles of love were nowhere to be seen. I still had my life, so how could it be love?

As my butterfly aged, the rhythm of her flapping wings began to sound like melodies. She would remind me of you at all hours of the day. She played me songs that made me crave your body next to mine. Then, I would see you. Your flaws were erased by the trance of her music. I wanted to fall inside of you, make my home in your chest, so I can hear your beating heart. You were all-consuming. Yet, the words you let slip off your tongue were weightless enough for me not to notice everything else. You slowly became my everything. Your infinity was now the only thing on my mind.

Even though my every particle was constantly begging to be united with yours again, I knew this was nowhere near love. If you were to kill my butterfly, I wouldn't even dare to flinch. You had full permission to kill her and sleep on her carcass, it wouldn't even sting. I had just wanted to remind you that I still had my freedom. I still had my identity outside of yours. I would've prospered had I decided to ground myself again. If anything, you might've been the one falling in love with me. I was a hopeless cause, you wouldn't be able to keep your promise.

As time endured, your visits became scattered. While, my butterfly became violent. Her wings would flap with so much strength I began to bleed. Your scattered visits dwindled into nothingness. My screams of pain echoed into oblivion, before crashing back into me. My butterfly continued to rip me apart, until you made your way back into our galaxy.

I knew you were the one in love with me, too tempted to stay away. I survived in the absence of your presence, so I knew you failed your mission. I would never believe in love. I would never be in love with you.