Two Sides to Every Story

Thank you.

I met her 3 years before I met you. I met you 30 nights after she broke my heart. There was something charming about the way you disregarded her. You acted like she was constructed of dream sand, to be rubbed out of my eyes when I woke up. You even had the audacity to tell me that you don't believe in love, knowing what I had just gone through. Maybe that's why it was so easy for me to get caught up in this, you made her disappear. Thank you.

She no longer existed in your presence, so I forced my way into your life. I'm not sorry. I needed to be numbed. My friends would've turned to drugs, but I turned to you. Our conversations gave me an indescribable high. The only culprit for my bloodshot eyes was watching the sky with you, Mary Jane. You see, even your name fits into my story. This was meant to be. You were meant to save me. Thank you.

You know, one day I noticed this tick you have. Each time we'd be talking, you would sip water in between your sentences. The first time I thought you were just thirsty, but it happened so frequently it seemed like you were trying to drown yourself. I would've said something, but you were there to save me. So, I watched you sip and sip. Some days it made me nervous (the idea of losing you) so I would take the bottle out of your hands, hold it just out of your reach, so you would look me in the eye as you hopped up to save it from me. I would always let you take it back, though. It's just another thing you got to save from me.

Sometimes, I wished you would've saved yourself. I know you've never been on a plane, but if you had you would've heard them say put on your oxygen mask before helping anyone else. The day we kissed, you lost your survival instinct. You decided that I came before your oxygen. Somebody should've stopped you. If somebody would've been there to remind you that you need oxygen to survive — never mind. If that would've been the case, I wouldn't be here right now. I know it's selfish, but I'm only being honest. I was dependent on you, but like any druggie I was too stubborn to admit it. Your kiss kickstarted my mornings and your voice drifted me into dreamland. Thank you.

I shouldn't have to say thank you, though. I was addicted, but you were obsessed. After our kiss, it became incessant. There wasn't a moment I was without you. You forced me to forget her. Now my mind was filled with you. Mary Jane, did you mean to cross that line? You said you didn't believe in love — and though I promised to prove you wrong, I didn't mean it. I trusted you to not fall. I had faith that your feelings would be uninvolved. Mary Jane, you were never meant to be collateral damage. I'm not sorry, though. This was fate. You conquered every square-inch of my mind dedicated to her. For that, I can thank you.

I'm still not sorry. I watched you kill yourself over me, but what you can't admit Mary Jane is that your obsession was the cause of your death. Your blood is not on my hands. I watched you be torn apart and lose your mind. It started with the texts that followed me every minute of the day before it grew into this monster of "who's that girl?". You accused me of cheating. You accused me of using you for sex. You turned my life into the reality shows I hate. Mary Jane, you left me with no choice, but to leave.

You know, you should be proud of yourself, though. You made me strong enough to leave you. You fucking saved me. Mary Jane, you are the only person on this planet that can say that! Aren't you proud of yourself? I am your greatest masterpiece. On second thought, you should be thanking me. Once I left, I set you free of myself. I proved to you that all of your hard-work had paid off. So, thank me. I let you save me. I lowered the water bottle low enough for you to grab it and you did! I gifted you with the accomplishment of saving the unsalvageable. You're welcome.

I even let you see me sometimes, after everything. I would visit you anytime I felt myself slipping. Each time she managed to fashion herself into my reality, I would see you. You continued to save me from slipping and you were soo excited to do so. I swear somebody needs to teach you to save yourself. You held onto my pieces and fit them perfectly together, every time I walked into your life. It didn't matter what it did to you, you didn't care.

So, thank you. You're welcome. You made me into a man you were capable of falling in love with. You saved me on your deathbed. Mary Jane, you are unforgettable. You gifted me with everything I need to survive without you.