Fighting For Love

The Talk

I heard a sizzling sound but I was way too tired to open my eyes. I laid there awake listening to the sizzling sound and hearing footsteps. Eventually I couldn't fall back asleep so I woke up and saw Arizona making breakfast. She was wearing this pretty light red pajama set and she looked really gorgeous. She noticed I was awake "Good morning." She said. I looked over at the clock and it was 10 a.m. I slowly sat up yawning and rubbing my eyes. Arizona was cooking eggs, bacon, biscuits, sausage, and had a blender out to make smoothie's. Why all of a sudden was she such a cook? I stood up and walked into the kitchen and it smelled so delicious. "How come all of a sudden you're such a chef?" I asked. She laughed a little before responding with "I've just needed something to keep me busy with everything going on. I've gotten quite good at it." I smiled at her because I was glad she's coping in a healthy way. "Well the food last night was delicious so I bet this will be too." I said smiling at her. I stayed in the kitchen while she was waiting for the food to finish, wondering if she was going to bring up what happened last night. The food was finished and I made my plate and she made hers. We both sat at the table as we ate, we both had the day off today and tomorrow. We started eating and then Arizona's phone started ringing. Her phone was right in the middle on the table and I noticed it was from Callie. I looked at her and she looked at her phone. Her smile dropped when she saw it was Callie and she shut her phone off. "I do not want to talk to her. If she wants Sofia for longer she can have her longer but once she leaves to NYC I have Sofia. The last thing I want to do right now is deal with her." She said sounding angry. She was so madly in love with Callie 2 months ago, why does she want to ignore her now? "You seem really mad at her, is she hurting you?" I asked really concerned. She looked at me and shook her head and put a fork full of eggs in her mouth. We stayed silent for a minute before she responded to me "No she's not physically hurting me but I feel like she's just putting me in a bad position. She's making me out to be the bad guy when I just want to love my daughter. I know I cheated and I deeply regret it and would take it back in a second if I could but all this is too much. She's keeps trying to guilt trip me and make me feel bad. I know it's her daughter she has to leave behind but it's what's best for Sofia. Callie will see her a lot still, it's not the end of the world." I can't even imagine what she's thinking in her head, the amount of mental strain she's been under is so much. She's so strong for managing this so calmly, I've always admired how strong she was. "I know you're in a very hard place right now but you are so strong, you'll be okay after all this settles. Do what you think is best." I said. She gave me a half smile and continued eating. I finished my food and went up to wash my dishes. I was getting ready to leave when Arizona stopped me, "Can we have a serious talk?" She asked. "Of course we can." I replied. She trusted me and wanted to confide in me and I was glad she felt like that. I sat back down next to her and instead of crying she just spilled out how she was feeling, "Me and Callie were happy, we loved each other and had such a great family. When I got in the plane crash and had to get my leg amputated she couldn't understand how much pain I was in. For a while it physically hurt but I'd lost something that I needed. I was angry at her because I told her I wanted to keep my leg. I was angry and sad and stressed so I took anger out on her when I shouldn't have, but she never understood that I had all these emotions I didn't know what to do. She yelled and was angry when I talked about my leg or when I had an attitude. I was hurting, the crash was traumatizing and I couldn't talk about it as much as I wished I could've. That's when our marriage went downhill, we fought over everything, nothing was ever good enough. Eventually I cheated. I know it was wrong and I can't even imagine the emotional stress I put on Callie but in the moment it seemed like someone cared. Like someone was there for me and I wanted to stay in the moment. I apologized and tried my hardest to make it up to her but it didn't work. We went to see a therapist and in the end Callie asked for divorce. She loved me and I loved her, but we both needed a break from each other. I got sad not being able to see her every morning, not having good morning and goodnight kisses, not ranting to her about problems, not hearing her complain about work. My everyday routine changed drastically because she was a part of my life. She gave me love and hope when I felt I had none. I cried until I had no more tears left, I loved her so much and she was out of my life. My mental health went downhill since then and every day has been a struggle. I've attempted different types of self harm and have just wanted it all to end. I have no idea how I remained strong but I did. I've never told anyone that and it feels good being able to tell someone." She confessed. I saw a couple tears stream down her face, I never knew she was so hurt. I pulled her in for a hug and she laid on my lap while I messed with her hair. "I admire you for staying strong even when times were hard. I never knew about your self harm attempts and I'm so sorry you felt like that. Losing someone so close can be very hurtful and it may seem like you can never get over it but you can. Callie was a part of you're life but she's not anymore and I know it's hard but it's the truth. You are such an amazing person that I care about deeply and I want the best for you. I've never been the best with advice so I'm not sure if I'm helping but just know that I care about you so much and you have so many people that care for you." I responded. It hurt me seeing her like this and I wanted to be able to help but I didn't know how. She gripped my arm and we stayed in a hug for a couple minutes. She pulled away looked me in the eyes. She smiled, "Thank you so much Amelia." She said. "I have to go get a shower." She added while walking upstairs. Arizona had a lot of feelings bundled up that she just revealed to me, I wondered if she felt better. I knew how it felt to have too many emotions bottled up that needed released but never having anyone to open up to. I stayed downstairs for a minute before I gathered my stuff up. I was getting ready to leave when I got a text that made me stop everything I was doing.