Fighting For Love

Was It A Mistake?

I slowly caressed her cheek as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. I was shocked that I was doing this but at the same time the feeling of lust was taking over. I kissed her passionately as she placed her hands on my waist and pulled me closer to her. I lowered my hand from her cheek and lifted her up onto the kitchen counter, she giggled and then continued kissing me. I had so many feelings that were rushing through me but I ignored them all, I just wanted to think about me and Arizona. She moved her hands up and down my body and I moved my lips from hers down to her neck. I left soft and gentle kisses that I soon turned into rougher kisses. She brought her hand to the bottom on my shirt and traced her fingertips on it, eventually lifting it up over my head. I did the same and slowly lifted her shirt over her arms and then traced my hands down her body. I kept kissing down her body and next thing I know we are both just in bra and panties running upstairs to the bedroom. I walked in and she pushed me on the bed getting on top of me. She kissed me roughly and I ran my hands through her hair. I had butterflies in my stomach, I've never had sex with a girl before. I knew we were going to end up doing it but I was still nervous. I trusted Arizona and she trusted me but I've never done this before, it was something I'm completely new to. She lifted her head up and said "Want me to be on top? I know this is your first time with a girl." It's like she read my mind. I nodded and we ended up having amazing sex. I always thought that two girls would just be a little boring and basic but it was far from that. It was a new experience that I'm very glad I tried. I woke up the next morning before Arizona did. I sleepily rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I walked in and noticed I had hickies all over my collar bone and chest, luckily my clothes would be able to cover them. I started brushing my teeth when I heard the bathroom door creak open and Arizona walked in. "How could someone who just woke up look so perfect?" I thought to myself. Her gorgeous blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and the strings on her robe were messy. "Good morning." She said and she walked up to me and gave me a kiss. "Good morning." I replied. She reached over me to grab her toothbrush and I spit the toothpaste out of my mouth. Right now we were full of lust but later we would have to seriously talk about what happened. We finished up in the bathroom and went downstairs, "You have work tomorrow?" Arizona asked. "Yeah, what about you?" I replied. "Yeah, I was going to request the week off because Sofia and Callie leave in 3 days but work is an escape and those kids need me so I didn't." She did it again, she said something that just made my feelings for her stronger. She cared so much about her patients and always wanted the best care for them. She even started the program bringing kids from Africa here to get treated a while ago. Her patients, these kids, were her number one priority and I loved that. I was looking down picking at my nail when I looked back up Arizona's eyes were red, like she was about to cry. I immediately noticed and walked up to hug her. Everytime I hugged her she melted in my arms, it was such an amazing feeling. I kissed her forehead and said " It'll be okay, I know you'll miss them but you'll see them again." After I said those words her head shot up and she looked me in the eyes, "I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how you feel sitting here listening to me talk about my ex after what happened last night. I don't mean to be insensitive it's just that me and Callie had so many memories I am going to miss her, but I also have you." She paused for a minute and then hesitantly continued "I want you. Me and Callie have been divorced for a couple months and it's been hard but you've been there every step of the way. You've helped me and made me feel like I matter to someone. I know this may come across as moving on too fast and it may seem like I just need a rebound but I really like you. Last night proved how much I felt for you and I want to be with you." Those words stopped me dead in my tracks, she wants to be with me? How? We've gotten a lot closer this past month but how could she know she wants me? She has only been divorced 4 months, it's way too soon. So many thoughts flooded my brain hearing those words. I collected my thought and eventually found the words to say " Arizona, I'm sorry but we can't be together, not yet at least. You've been divorced for 4 months and your ex and daughter are leaving Seattle in 3 days. You're hurting and you might think you won't this but you don't. I've had feelings for you for a while now but acting on them right now would be foolish. You need time to heal emotionally and I need time to figure out what my feelings for you mean. I love being your friend the last thing I want is to ruin it by jumping into a relationship. Let's take some time okay?" I replied. She had a look of hurt on her face and she retracted out of the hug. A couple more tears fell from her cheek but she wiped them quickly "Okay" she said walking upstairs and I heard her bedroom door close. Was I wrong for doing this? Last night I kissed her which led to sex but here I am telling her we shouldn't rush anything? Did I mess everything up even though it's the last thing I wanted? I waited in the kitchen for a minute before I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs again. I was hoping she just went up there to take a minute to calm down but she came down fully dressed, "I'm going to Joe's" She said as she walked out the door with her keys. I felt terrible, I never should have advanced on her like that yesterday. I wanted to follow her but she was going to a bar, way too much temptation. I contemplated on what to do but finally I decided. I grabbed a jacket and my keys and went out to my car. I drove to Joe's bar and sat outside in my car, waiting for Arizona to come out.