Moving Forward

Detours

When you find yourself in a rut you usually feel like theres no way to move forward.

Like a locked door blocks your path and you've misplaced the key.

Thats what happens when you try to start again. Its feels like theres always a new obstacle.

Triggers

Like a stop sign that was hidden behind a bush making you have slam on the brakes, it came out of nowhere. Triggers always do.

You never realize a trigger, until you eventually do. 

Mine are locations, places I used to go often with him. Places I've sat and cried at, places I drove to in search of freedom; in search of air when I felt like I was drowning. 

Thats how I always felt- suffocated. 

Too much was going wrong and nothing was taking the heartache away. It took coming to the end of the road to finally realize that no length of driving, no amount of fighting was going to make anything better. 

It took choosing myself over everyone else to finally feel like I could breathe again. I felt so light. 

But like the calm before the storm that lightness didn't last because thats when you find those stop signs that are hidden behind a bush or a tree; that's when your heart starts beating a million miles a minute because all of those bad memories flash through your mind leaving fresh bruises behind. 

This is when you realize something new about yourself that wasn't there before. 

This is when you find a dead end that halts you from moving on and when you start running into more road blocks you'll feel discouraged unless you can find a detour.

Even if it takes longer to get where you're going, it will be worth it as long as you keep moving forward.

I hope you can find your detour. 

I hope you allow yourself to move on.

You deserve more than what they gave you.