“Everything will be okay in the end”. Is what she heard every single day of her life. But how does she tell these people that it won't? That her brain is splitting at the seams and she's driving on the verge of insanity? That it feels like something is eating a hole through her stomach and she's shivering like it's 10 degrees? "I don't feel anything!", the girl laughs spitefully as her friend playfully pinches her arm. "I don't feel anything", she says as she drags the blade across her skin again, shadowing the crimson scars. “And that’s why there is no end for me.” Red had always been her favorite color, the maroons, burgundies, and scarlets painting the edges of the sun and sky every sunset. Now she lies in the bathtub and bathes in the dark red of her own being for the last time. She stopped looking under her bed for the monsters when she finally realized that they weren’t down there in the first place, that they were inside her. “Maybe if I jump, I can touch the sky!” She yelled, climbing a tree. 15 years later, there she stood. “Maybe if I jump, I can touch the sky.” She said with a look of bliss, standing on the Golden Gate Bridge. It was beautiful, really. She wanted to be her mom's little angel, just like when she was a blossoming, smiling, 4 year old. Stop thinking. Do it! Before someone comes. Before they take control. Standing on the edge, gazing at the rushing cascade, she thinks she's won. She has the power over her life, her decision between life and death. Her breathing is shallow, the air is too thin, the demons are screaming, she think they might win. Her vision is blurry, her heart rate is slow, no therapy can save her. It's time for her to let go.
"I'm fine." Please help me
"I'm just tired." I can't do this anymore
"Go away." Show me you care enough to stay
"I already ate." I starve myself
"I'm just cold." I don't want you to see my scars
"I'm better, I promise." I've never been this bad
"I'm okay." I just want to die
