Numb (DreamNotFound)

12

TW's:
-Mentions alcohol/drugs/smoking
-Mentions trauma/PTSD/aggression
-Mentions abuse/mistreating
-Mentions self harm

Clay's POV

George blushed brightly as I kissed all his scars. He smiled shyly and watched his feet.

'This shows how strong you are,' I whispered.

'How?'

'You have such a difficult time that hurting yourself seems like the only choice, but you're still here.'

'Clay?'

'Yes?'

'Can I hug you? I miss my parents so much.'

'I do too, George. And it's way more difficult for you, but you will get through it. I promise you, okay?'

'How?'

'Because you aren't going to be locked in here forever and you will see them again.'

George had tears in his eyes and he smiled at me. I hugged him tightly against my body and rubbed through his hair. He clung onto me and held me really tightly. I could notice in anything how much he needed this hug and how hopeless he was feeling. I softly kissed his hair and it didn't take long before I felt a tear drop down in my neck.

'I feel so alone, Clay.'

'I understand, I totally do. I have experienced the same, I understand you fully.'

'I have no hope, I have no one. Everyone is scared of me, I have hurt every single person in my life.'

'And that has a reason.'

'I get so scared sometimes and I don't know what else to do than hit or kick.'

'What triggers it?'

'Eyes.'

'Do you not look at me for that reason?'

'Yes, and I don't want you staring at me, it makes me really scared and I just hit without real reason.'

'I won't stare at you. Is me looking in your eyes when we talk okay?'

'I guess it is, I don't really get mad at you or something. You kind of calm me down, I even dare looking in your eyes for just a second. By the way, I moved rooms. If I don't get taken back to the other room, I'm now in the room left in the corner.'

I opened my mouth to speak again, but the man came back and ran towards George. His wrist got grabbed tightly and he pulled George with him. I smiled at George and he smiled back softly. George got taken with the man and I turned around after I couldn't see him anymore. I walked slowly back to my therapist and I sat down next to him. He smiled at me.

I sighed a little and looked at him. 'I like George. I wish to be his friend.'

My therapist nodded and he smiled again. 'I know, Clay. It's fine, it's totally fine.'

'Will he ever like me? He's busy with other things than me.'

'I don't know, he might.'

'He said he liked me.'

'That's good.'

'I'm afraid.'

'Why?'

'Sorry this is really weird, but I only have you to talk about these things and I really need to talk about it.'

'That's fine, Clay. I'm always here for you and it's good to talk about your feelings. And becoming friends with somoem, it really just happens, you don't have to be scared for that. If he likes you and you like him, there's nothing to worry about.'

'I really like him a lot.'

'What do you like about him?'

'He's really cute and short. And his hair is always messy and I just like his eyes and his body. Well, and the best thing, I think his personality is amazing too. I don't know if he will ever like me though.'

'Why wouldn't he?'

'I'm a stupid drug, alcohol and smoking addict.'

'You were a drug, alcohol and smoking addict.'

'Well, I still have it in me. Even if we ever would be in a relationship, he would never be able to drink anything around me for the first years.'

'He's seventeen, right? He isn't even allowed to drink yet.'

'So wasn't I,' I yelled and I jumped up. 'So wasn't I, but look where I am now. He isn't going to like me, stop giving me hope. No one wants to be friends with an addict.'

'Clay, you're sober and clean for almost three months.'

'THREE months, it's almost a quarter of the year. It's nothing. I will never be sober and clean for the rest of my life, it was already so hard for three months.'

'Because you were really addicted, it gets only easier from this point on.'

'You just don't understand.'

'Clay, I have been addicted too. That's why I work here.'

'Really?'

'Really.'

'But it wasn't as bad as me, I know that for sure. I'm the youngest and the worst here.'

'Clay, stop now. You're going to be okay and if you keep fighting you will.'

With that I bursted into tears and my therapist gave me a tight hug.

1086 words