Chapter 1
Finally.
I'm at peace.
There's no talking around me, no fighting, hitting or yelling.
But I feel numb.
My whole body feels.. numb.
I want to feel again.
But I want to be happy.
I want to feel happy.
I don't want my only feeling to be sadness or anger.
I'm home alone.. but I feel safer then when I'm not.
I didn't realize I was walking into the kitchen. Oh well.
Maybe I should open a window. Get fresh air.
It feels nice on my face.
I don't want this feeling to end.
Can I feel something?
It's a numb again.
I don't like this. I don't like finally having an emotion apart from sadness anger, or numbness. I had finally felt something. Just to have it snatched away from me.
I'm angry at the world. I'm angry because it isn't fair. I know life isn't supposed to be fair, but every celebrity looks like they're living their life, meanwhile I'm sweating, trying to not drop my cracked phone on my face, and waiting miserably and jealously.
This isn't how the world is supposed to be. Every time I get closer to happiness it just gets snatched away.
Huh? I can see a bird. I like it.
Click!
I knew that Polaroid camera would come in handy one day. It's a Cardinal. It's perching on a shaky branch.
"Don't fall!"
Am I smiling? What is this? My lips are pulling at my face, rising up into a form where my teeth are slightly visible.
Oh, that's reminds me. I have to brush my teeth and take my pills. Couldn't forget that.
The toothpaste feels minty against my breath. Refreshing. I open up the orange container and shake one or two pills into the soft palm of my hand. The prescription says 3.
I don't care a lot about how much I take. As long as it does it's job for a bit to where I can just take another disgusting one if I need it.
It's supposed to make me feel. Feel good, happy. But it just makes my emotions stronger. I remember picking them up at the pharmacy, paying with my own money that was hard earned.
I got in a lot of trouble when I came home. I was supposed to use that money to buy my father his beer from the store on my way home. I didn't tell the doctor about my family, only my feelings.
They don't need to know. I'm okay. It's my secret.
\\ No POV \\
Tom sighed as he remembered that he had school tomorrow. Gathering his supplies from his room, he yawned and stuffed it into his messy looking backpack.
Tom didn't seem to care a lot about his appearance as he slumped onto the kitchen table, turning on the small TV on the counter.
It was calm. Light streamed from the windows onto his pale skin and make him warm inside. He felt.. good. Maybe it was the medicine. Maybe it was because he was alone, but he smiled.
His favorite band came on TV and he did not hesitate to sing along with the song even with the window open.
\\ Ask me why my heart's inside my throat
I've never been in love, I've been alone
Feel like I've been living life asleep
Love so strong it makes me feel so weak- //
He was genuinely singing. And it was good. Tom had always had a heart for singing, and wasn't able to let it out very often. Tom adjusted the tune a bit to fit him better, but it sounded very good altogether.
\\ Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)
Our fingers dancing where they meet
You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)
I'll be the only dream you seek
So if you're lonely, no need to show me
If you're lonely come be lonely with me //
That was definitely his favorite part. He let his voice out to the world, enjoying this moment. He felt great, imagining himself dancing in a vast flower field.
Life seemed to be fair, suddenly. But obviously, of course it wasn't and would never be. And it wasn't, even at that moment. He heard another voice coming from a neighboring house. It was seemingly built the same and had the window open in the same spot.
It was a male voice, quite angelic if you asked Tom.
// Aaron's POV (next door neighbor) //
That guy singing next door is amazing. I saw a glimpse of him in the window.
Hot.
So. Very. Hot.
Wait- what am I thinking?! First I'm singing along with him, now I'm falling for him? Is this a Disney princess movie? Whatever. His voice is extraordinary. He should be performing at a concert. At least, I think that.
Luckily my parents aren't home or I'd be caught dead. I wonder if he thinks I'm good at singing. We're nearing the end of the verse and I don't think he notices I'm singing.
\\ Lonely (Are you lonely?)
Passion is crashing as we speak
You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)
You're the ground my feet won't reach
So if you're lonely
Darling, you're glowing
If you're lonely, come be lonely with me- //
I think he noticed I was singing and got embarrassed. Oops. Anyways, it was fun. Hopefully he won't recognize me if he sees me again. But I guess he wouldn't since I didn't go by the window.
I hope I meet him again. Is he even gay, though? It'd be awkward if he wasn't.. whatever. Maybe we can just be friends?
I barely know him. I don't even know what he looks like very well! I want to spend more time with him. A lot of time.
Do we go to the same school? I know the first day of high school is tomorrow, and most of the others in the neighborhood go to the same school as me. I hope I can become his friend!
Will I even recognize him? I need to stop thinking ahead and get ready for it! What time is it, even?
5:42 p.m.
My parents won't be home for awhile. But he slammed his window shut and shut the curtains, I think I made him pretty embarrassed.
Did he even realize he was singing? Makes him even more perfect. What am I thinking? Since when did I fall for anyone? I thought I was even aromantic at some point. That was a long time ago, anyways.
We'll meet again, angelic singer!
[A/N]
I'm already having a lot of fun writing this! Thanks for reading, as well. I'll make sure to pump out chapters multiple times a day! You guys are also helping me, too. This book helps me forget about sadness and just be really devoted to writing. I'm looking to make each chapter at least 1000 words long or a bit longer, each time perhaps. This book is also kind of a vent, as well. Thank you! -Koda <3
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I Liked Blue Better
Romance[OLD] [NOT MEANT TO ROMANTICIZE DEPRESSION OR MENTAL ILLNESS. SIMPLY A TROPE.] Tom isn't your average teen. But then again, what makes a teen average? His family is broken, his mental health is slowly declining, and he's faced questioning his sexual...
