The Opposite Of Negation | Editing Slowly

26 | ≠ future

TW: Accident.

My tears can't stop, won't stop. My heart aches and thumps violently in my chest, and it's almost impossible for me to breathe. My legs suddenly can't hold the weight of all the things I've kept buried in me. As I sink to the floor next to the broken object, my unsaid feelings and unshed tears can't be controlled anymore. Because no matter what I tell myself, I know that Nathan, who's been trying to help me for so long, is right.

I feel Nathan sit down beside me on the floor. He puts his hand over my shoulder and pulls me to him tightly. Burying my head in his chest, I let it all out. He whispers sweet nothings in my hair as he consols me, his hand on my head, giving me all the support and time needed. When my tears slow down to some extent, I look back at the object, and my tears start again.

Brown soil is littered across my floor, the pot which Nathan, Ma and I had so carefully painted with tiny stars and flowers is in pieces, and our Rosie is lying horizontally across us. I feel Nathan's eyes on me, and when I finally turn around and gather the courage to look up at him, a sob courses through me when I find his eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Why are you crying?" I stammer out, hiccuping because of the tears.

He smiles and pecks my forehead, "How can I not when I know my girlfriend is in so much pain?"

I roll my eyes at his cheesiness and look back at Rosie. Following my gaze, he turns my head back to meet his eyes and shakes his head, "Rosie is a strong girl. I'll get a new pot for her as soon as I can. But for now," he looks around and seemingly finds something useful, "Hold on."

He gets up from the floor and I instantly feel empty without him by my side. I watch as he walks to the kitchen counter, grabs a cooking pot and walks back, crouching down to the floor. He starts filling how much ever soil he can into it and I realise what he's doing. I crawl over to him and help fill the soil in the pot, and once we're done, we carefully lift Rosie and place her in the middle of the vessel. Nathan walks back to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water, pouring it in the soil to make it easy to mould the soil around her roots and we succeed in making a makeshift pot for our rose plant.

When he's done, he looks up with muddy hands, a little mud on his face, a result of not paying attention to the movement of his hands and smiles at me.

I love you, I almost say, but bite back my confession. I haven't forgotten the main reason behind our fight, and there's a lot to say and mend. This is definitely not the right time to go on and confess my undying love for him.

He notices the change in the air and his smile turns apologetic.

"I'm sorry," he says and I shake my head.

"You have nothing to apologise for. It's all my mistake, I have been extremely closed off to you. But not anymore," I notice his eyes widen slightly as I continue, "I wanna rectify my mistake."