The Opposite Of Negation | Editing Slowly

24 | ≠ miserable

I was, am, a sunflower. Sunflowers are lively, bright and technically not rude. Sunflowers aren't supposed to be mean, they're supposed to turn to the sun. They're supposed to follow it, and I never felt that to be a con about myself. But what happens when sunflowers don't turn to the sun, what happens when they say no, Sun. I will not listen to you. Something goes wrong, it has to. And looking at Amanda, seeing a wilted rose in her, I try my hardest to push back the horrifying memories trying to take me back to the time I tried to challenge the sunflower behaviour.

A car, a no and a lifetime of guilt.

Amanda's stance is defeated. Her eyes are cast downwards, Jason's eyes on her are filled with worry. She's playing with her nails, trying to act nonchalant but I can see the clear anxiety in her body. She's truly a wilted rose, the thorns around her simultaneously defending and attacking anyone who wanders too close. I walk over to her and with my eyes, I plead Jason to give us some space. He nods and walks away, and I look back at Amanda. She still isn't meeting my eyes, aimlessly scrolling through social media now.

"Why did you say it?" I ask her, not one to beat around the bush. She shrugs, looking anywhere but me.

"Though I'd warn you before you go off declaring me as your best friend."

I nod and cross my arms around my chest, taking a deep breath and bracing myself for the question I'm about to ask her, a stone on my heart, "Was it good?"

Her eyes snap to mine, mouth agape, "Excuse me?"

I nod, not letting my facade break, "Was it good? Did you two have a good night?"

A horrified expression takes over her and she shakes her head no, "Stop asking me this. What is wrong with you?"

It's my turn to shrug, "You said you're warning me off. So now I want to get warned off. Tell me, how was it?"

"Stop! What the fuck dude?" she exclaims, arms raising above her head to show her disbelief.

"Why are you not answering?"

"Because it's not something you need to know about now. It was the past! And it was one time! You're his girlfriend, act like it!! Get away from me, call me a bitch but don't ask me this," she rants, her face getting red.

"So it's the past?"

"Of course it is! I don't even like him!" she exclaims, desperately trying to convince me. I smile at her and her expression morphs into confusion.

"So, you're telling me to judge you based on your past. On a time when Nathan and I hadn't even met? I admit it hurt when you said that. I didn't like the way it made me feel, but I don't hate you. Far from it. I know a good person when I see one."

Her eyes remain neutral, looking at me with disbelief. Her eyes well up and I immediately look away, giving her a minute to calm herself down, not wanting to intrude in her vulnerable moment. When I feel she's ready I look back at her to find her smirking at me.