Mafia's tomorrow

24-Darker

I open my eyes slowly after a dreamless sleep. My eyes adjust to the dim lighting of the room. My room. I am back in the mansion. The duvet is sprawled upon me and the curtains are drawn. I feel comfortable. My dress is also changed.

I am in my pyjamas and a loose t-shirt. I try to sit up straight but I have no energy in me do so. I groan.

I manage to sit up straight aligned with the bedhead and everything flashes before my eyes.

The vest to costumes to words. Those bloody words, literally. I try to hug myself, trying to get some kind of comfort. But none comes. But what hurts is my left arm. I notice a small band-aid on my vein.

Someone took my blood. I take a deep breath, trying not to fall back into the kind of trance I was in.

It was all because of me. If I hadn't tried to get mum back, they wouldn't have poured her blood out to write some words.

I try to imagine what they would have done and tears are drenching my cheeks again.

I haven't cried in front of anyone or shown any emotion except the bitch all time one. And yesterday, I broke down. I did not care who saw me at my weakest. It was all at the top. I had to let go.

Somewhere deep down, this hurt me the most, knowing that I was the reason of shifting my mum's location. But...how?

I don't have to care about that now. My emotions are not letting me. I just want to disappear and wake up with a bad dream.

It is not bearable. The pain of being the reason of the pain of your loved one. At least not for me, when I attach myself with someone. Maybe a few, but deeply.

I don't know how long it has been. Don't care. Right now I just want to wallow in myself. For the first time I do not have the energy to fight. How could I? When I know one non-acceptable move and something wrong with my mother there. What will be next? A finger? Or perhaps her dead body.

I sit there and replay every moment. I try to move onto something else but one thing captures the stage. Those words. Words of such hatred. Taunt and threat. I am... scared of what is about to come, if I were to step out of my leash.

After a long time Sophia enters. She sees me sitting at the edge of the bed and she releases a breath. "Thank God! You're up." She comes and sits next to me.

She gently wipes the tears with her fingertips, and then places her hand on mine. She shakes her head.

She is ordering me not to shed tears and in the way I definitely don't want. In a way that would remind me of my mother.

But those traitor tears escape. This time with no stopping. One by one. In a swift motion Sophia hugs me.

This only causes this breakdown to speed and I am sobbing into her chest. I put my arms around her and let go.

It is a long time before my tears dry out and I have no energy to cry anymore. Carefully Sophia removes my arms and breaks the hug. My eyes and my head is paining from all that crying.

She softly kisses my head and says, "Hang there, I'll get you something to eat."

As soon as she leaves, I sink into the bed ,roll myself as a cocoon and weep. I put the duvet closer to my body ,press my head deeper into the pillow and try to shrink and disappear.

My eyes and head have just started with the throbbing pain once again and I drift into slumber. I have no energy to stay awake.