Aggy and the Dinos

Chapter 23

When the world has gone down the swanney, and the wolves are in the door, fear is what keeps you alive. Fear of the dark, fear of the light, fear of being alone, fear of other people, fear of the road, fear of staying still; the tension, the suspicion, the constant state of high alert, equate survival. Without the fear, the human animal is a sitting duck, a pathetic vulnerable creature with only intellect as a weapon.

Since becoming citizens of the Kingdom of London, the fear had not gone away, exactly, but it had become a little 'complacent.' Aggy still felt like a well-oiled survival machine, albeit a survival machine that had rediscovered the comforts of a double bed, flushing toilet and a front door with three locks on it. Geezer was fat again, so she could stop worrying about him, although she was probably the only person ever to have worried about Geezer. John had grown well into his role of courtier and confidante to the King, taking on a distinguished air that life as a prey animal had not afforded him. They had been in love since shortly after they met, but they were finally becoming happy. They could go for a walk in the evening and not think of anything but each other – until John was inevitable summoned by the King. Aggy was coming to enjoy their position within the society, although she'd never admit it – all society had offered her before was the political underground, but now she was a major player, or at least the wife of one, which is somehow better. Unless your name is Anne Boleyn.

So when the Dino walked around the corner, Aggy unslung her rifle and shot it in one fluid motion. Dean said something laddish along the lines of 'back of the net,' standing casually with his gun at ease, not listening to his fear, which is why the Dino approaching from behind was able to sink its teeth into his right shoulder. He fired his gun into the air, until the creature ripped the arm away. Aggy screamed from the bottom of her soul and rushed the monster, slamming it in the face with the butt of her rifle until it dropped to the floor, its head a bloody pulp.

Dean was in a quiet place. He had the feeling that something was going on nearby, a bit like when your parents have a party and you can't sleep but are too shy to go and join in. He remembered pain, but when he looked down his right arm was there, just as it always had been. Then he thought that there was someone he wanted to talk to; a woman with blonde hair and a little black dog. He could remember her face, but her name wouldn't come to him. Were her eyes green or blue?

"Dean!" a shrill voice called him. A door had appeared, and peering through it was a small, neat woman wearing a Cath Kidson apron.

"Mum!" He shouted.

"What are you doing out there? For goodness sake come in!"

Dean walked through the door into a space bathed in warm light, and filled with the smell of fresh bread.

The light in the street was not warm. It tore at Aggy's eyes through her tears; she gripped Dean's hand with blood soaked fingers and begged and pleaded but he was too still, too pale to ever return. There was no sound at all, until Geezer began to howl; John looked up at the approaching Dinos – there was three, and they were of the original stamp, free of the defects that made the later generation easy pickings. The fear turned to cold rage; Geezer was in amongst it already, and as the Dino in front swiped at him John landed a punch under its ribcage, before plunging his knife hilt deep in its neck. Blood sprayed into his eyes so he felt rather than saw the next one fall to the floor under Blackwood, who could have gotten into trouble had a beserk Aggy not jumped two footed onto its windpipe before shooting the last one. She was manic, looking for the next thing to kill. John tried to grab hold of her and she swung for him wildly before falling against him, sobbing. Blackwood was slumped, defeated. Geezer went about his business, chewing on the vile Dino meat, which he seemed to have developed a taste for.

Dean was burnt on a pyre outside the court, which no one would admit would always be Hammersmith Broadway. The King gave a touching speech about Dean's character and his service to the Kingdom, which came across as genuine enough. Aggy had prepared a few words, but when the time came to say them she found that she could only cry, so John read the speech for her while she stood next to him and snivelled into her dog. Then there was music and dancing, and more booze than you could shake a glass at, and Aggy remembered very little until she woke up on her first day in a world without Dean.

John found her sitting on the window seat in their room, naked, smoking what must have been the seventh roll up of the morning. They had agreed on no smoking in the bedroom, but he wasn't about to go up against her, not today.

"I'd forgotten that people can die out there," she said around a mouthful of smoke. "I'd forgotten that we are all just one reaction away from death. Whether it's day or night, whether London has a King or not, whether you sleep in a mansion flat in Hammersmith or under a hedge in the middle of nowhere, the world has teeth. I wasn't looking out for Dean. For the first time since we escaped from my flat, found a supernatural whorehouse and set off in a bus with a jazz band, I didn't look out for Dean. I barely paid him any attention since we arrived here, because I took him for granted. My Dean. I thought he'd always be here, and he's not. He's never going to be here again." She looked at him for the first time.

"What happened to you?"

"That would be you," he said, looking down at his bruises.

"I don't remember much after he died," she murmured, her face crumpling again.

"You smashed the living shite out of two Dinos, wrote a speech, cried through it, got steaming drunk at the wake, did this to me, and then passed out. But listen to me now – you are not responsible for Dean's death. A Dino killed him. You didn't see it coming, ok? I didn't see it coming. Blackwood didn't see it coming. Hey, even Geezer couldn't have seen it coming, because he'd have told Dean all about it if he had. Just because you want it to be different does not make it your fault. Grieve, grieve as long as you want to. You will miss Dean forever – so will I. But do not carry blame you don't need to. In these savage days we all have enough to feel guilty for. Dean's death is not your fault."

"Thank you."

"I love you."

"I know."