Shield My Heart *On Indefinite Hiatus*

A nightly occurrence, and a new morning.

"You can't like girls. Ewwwww that's nasty!" 

"That's disgusting! What's wrong with you?"                             

 "You feel that way towards me? I'm sorry, but I don't like girls. If you continue to think of me that way can you please stay away from me. That's like seriously sickening."

"You like girls? Get out of my sight we," *pause* "we are no longer brother and sister, now get the FUCK out of my house! You have ten minutes to leave before I throw you out."

"We won't serve you here. With all the rumors going around about you. I hope you understand we are trying to stay in business here, now please remove yourself from the establishment."                                                                                                                                                                                                        *pant* *pant* *pant*                                                                                                                                             *stomp* *stomp* *stomp*                                                        My door swings open, light flooding into my dark room. A lanky shadow with long spikey hair grows bigger in my room. It's hard to see through the tears. I look up to see the cloudy form of my brother standing in the doorway.

"You good sis? I... I heard screamin. Are you cryin again? What's happenin with you these days?"

 I sit staring at his blurry figure. 

"This has been goin on 3 to 7 days a week since you got back. It can't just be nothin. If you need to get somethin off your chest please, please tell me. It hurts me to see you like this. Please can you please tell me what's goin on?"

My brother is almost begging me to let him help me, it makes it even harder to respond. My throat is dry and it's hard to get words to come out.

"I... I it's it's." I stammer "I don't know."

Piers sighs at me "Marnie." he says in an almost disappointed tone.

*sniffle* "Wuh what t-time i-is it?"

"It's four thirty in the mornin sis."

"Oh." I say emotionlessly.

We remain in silence for what feels like an eternity.*Yawn*

"You goin back to sleep?"

I slowly nod

"Ok but you are going to tell me what's goin on with you in the mornin got it."

"pfft. Mornin you mean more like afternoon right?" I let out a small chuckle

"Yeah yeah yeah same thing." Piers says with a chuckle "Night sis."

"G'night bro."

Piers closes the door engulfing me in the darkness once more save for the faint reflection of a neon sign outside my window. Just thinking of telling brother bout how I feel makes it hard to breath. Feels like my chest is being crushed by a snorlax. I roll onto my side and grab my old handmade shiny hydreigon plushie and hold it close to my chest mumbling into its head "I'm scared." before closing my eyes.                                                                                                                                

~9 hours later~                                                 

I feel sick I'm going to throw up oh God I'm so nervous. I'm pacing around the living room glancing down the straight hall at the imposing door at the end. I hear a small thud coming from the end of the hall. I'm going to grab a drink then I pause smoke, I'll smoke yeah that's a great idea to calm my nerves. I walk into the kitchen and grab a cold cola from the fridge taking a swig from it while making my way to the front door. I unlock it and step outside, the lights from the neon signs and stage lights are the only things that illuminates our concrete yard. Pulling out my smokes I grab one pulling it close to my lips while I grab my lighter. I take a puff with my eyes closed and just exhale taking my mind off everything. I concentrate on the ceiling in Spikemuth while taking a few more puffs then drop the remaining butt of the cigarette onto the ground. I stare at the smoke lifting my cola to my mouth to wash the taste and smell from my mouth. I crush the stub with my boot before turning to head back into the house. As I walk through the door I see my brother standing in the dimly light hallway between our rooms and the living room I freeze as our eyes lock.

"You know I don't like you smoking. Please at least tell me that's your first and ONLY one today."

"Yeah yeah it was my first." 

He looks me up and down eyeing me suspiciously.

"It was my first today I swear, dependin on..." I begin mumbling "how this goes it'll be my only one today."

He rubs his eyes and nods, after scratching his stomach he begins shuffling forward while motioning me towards the kitchen. I nervously follow behind him as he walks over to the countertop and begins scooping some coffee to help wake himself. I stand away afraid, making sure the island is between us. We make small talk mostly about my smoking habit as we wait for the coffee to finish, he takes a nice long sip before looking back at me and setting his coffee onto the island. I'm shaking slightly as his lips begin moving.

"Marnie what's goin on with you? Ever since you got back you've been gloomy and havin nightmares and stuff. I just want to understand what's goin on in your head. You gotta let your thoughts out."

There's a long pause as I'm thinking.

"I just wanna know how I can help you best sis," he pauses " you're all I got left."

"I... I there's."

My brother is looking intently at me almost studying me and what I'm tying to say.

"I there's this like, girl."

I begin yelling surprising my brother "There's this girl I like! I Like Girls! Ok there I said it!!! GOD FUCK DAMMIT! FUCK! AGH!"

 I fall to my knees with a thud sobbing covering my eyes with my hands rocking back and forth. I can't look at his disgusted, and disappointed face. I begin mumbling "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm not normal. I can't help it."

My heart is pounding the deafening thuds of boots getting closer the only sound registering in my brain. I feel like I'm drowning it's even harder to breath than last night. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder I jump before slowly looking up with tears streaming down my face, my brother crouches down and pulls me close squeezing me.

"I" he pauses

"..."

"..."

"Thank you for tellin me, I'm so so proud of you."

"I love you."

He still loves me? He stands up still looking at me. My brother pats my head as I begin wiping the tears off my face. My stomach unclenches and I feel sick. 

*cough*

*hugh*

 I then throw up the cola I just had all over the floor. 

"You didn't eat this mornin did you?" he asks accusingly.

I shake my head no.

"And then you decided to go and smoke to calm yourself, on an empty stomach didn't you?"

I nod my head yes as he sighs.

"Ok go get yourself cleaned up and put your clothes in the wash, I'll get this mess cleaned up ok."

I shakily stand with his assistance and begin walking out of the kitchen heading towards the bathroom deciding to take a shower as well as put my clothes in the wash.

"I'd like to talk about this some more when you get out if that's ok with you."

                           "Just remember I'm proud of you and I love you."