SNOW | TK

𝟭𝟱

The ones you truly love are never truly gone, they'll keep themselves close by your heart and sing to you at dawn.

•*•

I hopped off the train and ran towards Jeongguk's house. I smiled as I felt the wind in my black strands of hair. I grabbed tightly around the straps of my backpack, nose and ears already turning rosy again from the air.

I saw Jeongguk's house and slowed down, walking towards the little place. I wanted Jeongguk to hear everything. I want him to hear everything about my dad. Just being able to say those words—my dad.

I strolled up to the slim door and knocked softly. Jeongguk's mother opened the door, a faded peacock.

"Hi. Is Jeongguk home?"

There was quiet for a while so I hummed when I didn't quite get an answer. I looked at the woman in front of me and my eyes widened slightly.

Her skin was a bit pale and her eyes were glassy. Her cheeks were red with dried tears and her big, brown hair was messier than usual. She smiled softly and put her arm around my shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze. I looked at her with confused eyes. She sighed and looked at me, letting go of my shoulders.

"Jeongguk died last night, Taehyung. His heart stopped beating while he was sleeping."

I didn't understand a word of what she was saying. Her lips were moving but nothing that made sense came out.

I chuckled breathlessly as I looked around. What?

"Jeongguk had a weak heart. We knew it would happen eventually, but..."

My chest felt oddly tight, like someone punched all the air out of me. What was going on? My head hurt a bit. When did it start to do that? Nothing made sense.

"Do you want to see him, Taehyung? He's beautiful."

I stared at her in disbelief. Why did she open the door again? Where's Jeongguk? I came to see him.

She smiled softly and put a hand behind my back, leading me inside. She led me through the house but everything was a blur. I felt my legs moving but my mind was in another place. I couldn't see any head tilt anywhere. Where was it?

And then suddenly we stood in a big room that I remembered like the back of my hand.

His big, bright room. He had everything here. A small, glittering Christmas tree, various books in high stacks, a jungle of plants, and strings of fairy lights in all colours.

But I didn't focus on that. I focused on the beautiful boy that laid on his bed, silky white covers decorating the mattress. His usually big, sparkling, hazel eyes were closed, like the boy was sleeping.

But where a calm, gentle breathing should've moved his chest was nothing.

His skin was paler than ever, his hair brighter than ever. His body was clad in a beautiful, white, silky button up, and matching white, silky pants. His hands, with his messily light blue painted nails, laid folded over each other on his stomach, two candles lit on each side of the bed.

And then it hit me. Jeongguk wasn't going to wake up.

I sucked in a sharp breath as my backpack slipped off my shoulder. My hands shook as my eyes widened and my throat tightened. My vision became blurry and I swayed a bit as I stood at the end of the bed, eyes glued to Jeongguk.

The galaxy above him and Narnia in front.

I stumbled forward and fell onto my knees beside the bed, arms clamping to the soft mattress. A big tear slipped out and glided down my cheek from my eye and it sparked the chain. More and more tears fell down my cheeks as I desperately held his hand.

His cold hand.

His hands, always so warm and soft, now only cold and lifeless.

A heart wrenching sob slipped past my lips as I buried my face in his side, shaking my head. "No no no no no no—" I repeated over and over again. This couldn't happen. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't.

I got up on shaky legs and plopped down onto his bed beside him. I laid over his chest, shielding him from the world.

Nobody could touch him if I was there.

I buried my face into his neck as my tears wetted his soft, cold skin. I mumbled quiet, incoherent words against his neck and placed soft kisses wherever I could reach. My trembling hand kept stroking the other side of his neck as the other gripped his shoulder tightly, afraid to let go.

I sobbed loudly and cried breathlessly, wetting his silky attire, as I felt my heart slowly ripping and tearing apart.

I slowly moved my gaze up and looked at all the different stacks of books around the room. There were so many.

"Reading was his way of exploring the world."

I looked behind me and saw Jeongguk's mother sit in a rocking chair, moving softly forwards and backwards with closed eyes. She smiled softly, faint dimples in her cheeks which still had dried tears on them. "He knew he wouldn't live a full life unlike other kids at his age. He was very clever, more clever than you might think."

My bottom lip quivered as I looked at her with red, puffy eyes, thick tears streaming down my rosy cheeks.

"He always knew what he was doing. And he always knew what to do." She opened her tired eyes and looked at me with a soft gaze, aware of my vulnerable condition at that moment. "He knew, Taehyung."

My breath hitched softly. I looked down at Jeongguk again.

He was still so beautiful.

"He really liked you, Taehyung. He would always talk about you." I heard a breathy chuckle behind me. "About how you needed a big push in life to not go down a completely wrong path. He talked about how he wanted to help you. And he talked about how much you had come to mean to him." She paused and I could feel her looking at me. "He loved you, Taehyung. No, he loves you."

My eyebrows furrowed as my bottom lip trembled. My sobs had turned soft and weak due to the exhaustion of crying so much. I reached up with a trembling, tan hand, softly moving some hair out of his eyes, fingertips brushing against the small, shiny snowflake hair clip, and brushed my hand down to his cheek, caressing the cold, pale skin.

I leaned forward and hovered above him. "H-hey, blondie." I smiled weakly. I breathed against his lips, inching closer. "I-I love you too." I tried to whisper, placing a tender, careful kiss on his cold, blue lips.

My heart clenched painfully when he didn't kiss back.

It wasn't like I expected him to, but it was more like a reality check.

My bottom lip quivered against his as tears flowed down my flushed cheeks. I pulled away with closed eyes, breathing out shakily. "Thank you." I cried, voice cracking.

Jeongguk's mother sighed deeply, chest heaving. "Rest well, my son." She whispered. "Rest well."