Last Chance: A Bridgerton Tale about Anthony (AU NON-COMPLIANT)

Chapter 7: No way back

WRITER'S NOTE:

I am going to be brief.. It is 2 AM over here in and I need to be up by 7.00. I just wanted to say.

I FUCKING HATE WRITING SMUT. IT KICKED MY GODDAMN ASS and I will prefer reading it from this point on than writing about it... but I have to.. again.. in this one. There is 18+ stuff in this chapter. Please don't read if you are under 18.

Sorry for stupid errors and what not, might have to overhaul the thing at one point but not now as it is two in the morning. Again this is NOT canon compliant and I needed an excuse for Anthony to be away in the morning hence the birthday breakfast thing.

**************

With every step they took up the stairs Mara's heart began to beat harder. There were now only five, then four, two and then... they were at the top of the hall and walked slowly to the room, HIS room she saw. He paused just before the door to look at her, to fathom her, it seemed. Anthony was still slightly worried that she would run away, but to her surprise she didn't. She was still looking at her, but she didn't want to. He opened the door a little ajar but didn't enter yet, instead he gazed at her with a reassuring smile.

"Ladies first" he said, opening the door all the way for her now. She swallowed the lump in her throat and walked in and looked around, looked at the bedside tables next to his bed, the lamp on his desk and oh yes the brown curtains and what else, a small desk as far as she could see, much smaller than the one in the study and... finally, after long hesitation to his unmade bed.

It was much bigger than hers, which she did not understand because like her he slept alone but then something dawned on her. This would probably have been the piece of furniture located in their room if she hadn't insisted on sleeping alone.

She could not ponder on it too long about it because she heard the door close and steps coming in her direction and Mara turned to him. He looked calm, no determined it seemed, master of his emotions and Mara wished she could say the same. Her breath hitched when he stopped right in front of her and proceeded to stare deeply into her eyes before leaning forward to her lips. He got close but she suddenly pulled away and took a few steps backwards. He looked at her inquiringly, without judgment but inwardly he could not camouflage his disappointment for they had gone past the phase of feeling awkward around each other. Right?

"I have never... I've never before-" she stammered, but felt beet red, so ashamed that she hadn't finished the sentence. He stepped forward and took her hand, and she let him, even though she had the urge to pull away again.

Anthony squeezed her hand gently before looking at her.

"I know." he replied with a soft-spoken voice. "Don't worry Mara.. I would never hurt you" he said as he reached for her mouth again but ... bollocks she had let go of his hold and stepped away once more.

"I.. I don't want us to.. I do not think it will be-" and she swallowed the lump in her throat "wise for us to conceive at, at this moment" she reasoned, feeling warm all over, embarrassed to her core. This took him a minute to ponder over, so it seemed, and it was kind of ridiculous they had not covered that matter in their marriage yet, but it wasn't like theirs was a normal one to begin with.

He understood her apprehension as to not want children, right now, at this stage and thought the request wasn't unreasonable.

"Alright.. I'll be careful.. Is, is there anything else you want to discuss with me?" he asked her a little uncertainly..

"No." she said, shaking her head for emphasis.

"Are.. Are you certain?" he asked for confirmation because the last thing he wanted to do is spook Mara and force her into something she didn't want to do. He didn't want her to regret this and to lose her because of that regret.