how can you do this, we haven't been friends for a long time but i didn't think that mattered after the conversations we had. I would choose you over almost every single person i know. I'm really glad you're happy and it's not about you having a girlfriend, it's just about the fact how you had so many chances to tell me and i really thought we had enough of a relationship where you could tell me anything and do anything. I told you so many things i've never told anyone and i've done stuff that i would never usually do, like when i talking about _____and what i did or when i literally threw up on ft and you made me feel so much better. You always make me feel better. Always. You are literally my heart right now and it pains me to write this right now so much.
Now that i've thought about it more, i've realized that you're not shit. It hurts me deeply to write and even think those words but it's true. So far i haven't thought about any other person, if i thought i was about to get hit on or if i saw something i thought may have been attractive, i always thought about you first. I never even pictured myself with another person recently which is kinda insane for me. I'm obsessed with you and i don't really know what i'm gonna do about it because i know we will never happen. You said it yourself. I 'don't like you' and you don't like me. So we're nothing i guess, since clearly we're not the friends i thought we were. I could write a book about all my feelings toward you. Bad and good, mostly good because i couldn't see you in a bad way. You are honestly one of the best people i've ever met, that's a lot to say but everyone else either screwed me over or left me i guess. I want to reach out to you every day but it makes me so nervous that everything we have will be ruined. I was in so much love with how our friendship was going, i don't really think it could have gotten better to be honest. But like i said before, you aren't shit. I am sweet, funny, caring, i can be mean but it's my way of love and how i was raised i can't control it. But you make me not wanna be mean, you make me feel like someone cares about me and listens to me. The more i think about what i said (you're not shit), the more it hurts me because you are so helpful, smart, caring, understanding, and you are so funny, it makes people so drawn to you. I like when you get upset, i like when you yell and curse, i like when you get a little toxic. You being you is my favorite part of each day and what i look forward to each day. I think about how the next will be before i fall asleep, i try to make plans and ideas of what i could say or do to make you smile because i'm happy when you're happy. When i think about it more, your smile is one of the greatest things about my day, it's what makes my day. Sometimes i'll be having the worst day and as soon as you smile, laugh, or even just look at me it will instantly turn to a good day. I was lying earlier, i honestly hate that you have a girlfriend. My heart shatters to think that you have had so many opportunities to tell me and you didn't, makes the pieces that shattered break even more. I am really not good at keeping secrets and i don't hide that, but if you ever needed me to keep a secret i would never tell anyone.
MORE COMING SOON
