You have no idea how much pain i am in right now. It all started as a joke between friends and to you it still is like that, you have made it clear that 'friends' are all we will ever be. But i'm not sure i can be as 'happy' as i usually am without you. Without you being here to make me feel better and if you're not there to listen to me then why am i even trying. Nothing really matters anymore. I've lost feeling from having too many feelings. And i have never been this hurt. I feel empty inside, and i don't know what to do. Hurting myself would never be an option because i can't ever put someone in the same position that i am in and i won't even think about making someone go through this much pain. So now what. What do i do? It's an actual problem and i can't find an answer. Fuck, we were in such a great place. Now i've ruined it with my feelings and i know that i won't be able to hide it. I don't want to say that you hurt me because you complete me but it's true. I cant stop thinking about you, every second of free time i have. My brain and heart are drawn to you and you just can't see that can you? I don't really blame you for not seeing that i really like you, i hide it well under my laughing and smiling but i promise you that i do have real feelings and i don't just always have fun. I always have so many plans about what to do but when i see you, my confidence just shatters. I cant risk to do anything i will regret because that might make you leave, and if you leave i have close to nothing. But i don't think you have confidence either, i don't think you could talk to me about the things i talk to you about. And that is part of the reason why i don't blame you for not telling me about her. I would do anything to have one amazing moment with you, but you won't even start a conversation with me.
