(A/N: Warning- this may be triggering to some, so I suggest if cutting and other things bother you then DO NOT read it, I will give you another warning before it happens.)
It was now Monday morning and I admit that I am very nervous.
I'm just hoping that Ashton will act normal around me and then I'll at least have him there for me to make me feel safe.
I showered then got dressed in a pair of shorts and tucked in a button up flannel with some light blue vans.
Just adding a little bit of lipgloss putting my hair in messy sock bun.
***
I walked into school, everything seemed normal.....so far.
But then Ashton caught my eye and I noticed him talking to Calum.
Calum noticed me then slammed his locker storming off.
Ashton saw me, I gave him a small smile and was slowly walking towards him but he just turned around and walked away not even turning around.
Gee thanks.
***
Most of the day dragged on, and nothing happened which I was grateful for.
It was now lunchtime and I figured since Ash and I weren't exactly on speaking terms so with that I just grabbed a coke and granola bar then sat down by a tree where no one would see me.
When I was finished I made my way to get books for my last classes: Maths and Music.
I opened my locker and inside was a little brown paper bag.Written on it was my name.
I opened it and there was a note in it.
It read- hopefully you'll put these to good use and there's a little something to wash it down just incase xx-Calum
I reached deeper into the bag and saw a bottle of pills and then a cup of bleach, on there was a sticky note saying "kill yourself" and "do us all a favor:)"
Tears began to form in my eyes and I started to have one of my anxiety attacks. The ones I had was 12 and that was also related to this kind of stress.
I shoved the bag into my bag and slammed the locker shut. People were now crowding the halls but thankfully no one saw.
I was skipping the last two periods and walked outside taking my hair out of its bun lets the messy waves loose.
I was now walking to my car but something stopped me dead in my tracks.
Right then my tears finally came streaming down my face and I fell to my knees leaned on the brick wall of the school for support.
There Ashton was snogging some random chick in our school.
I can't believe I was so stupid to think that someone might actually care for me, he probably just felt bad. Yeah, that's it.
I thought he liked ME. I thought- I thought he cared.
After the bell rang they both walked inside hand in hand.
I felt a pang in my chest so I got up and left school.
***
I got up laying out the pills and the bottle of bleach along with the knife a used to use before I had become close with Ashton.
I also put the notes down with the rest of the stuff, studying each one closely.
I started crying hysterically.
Why? Why me? What did I do to him!
(A/N: Last chance)
I grabbed the knife and began to cut my left wrist over and over again. The blood began to trickle down my arms and my shirt.
I didn't want anyone to feel like they were missing out so I grabbed my laptop with my right hand and began to film myself just for Calum and whoever else hated me so much including Ashton.
I didn't want my right hand to feel left out so I began to cut on that one too.
"I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry and I hope that after this you'll be happy." I cried look directly at the camera.
I grabbed the bottle of pills and tried to open it but it wouldn't budge. So I started to get frustrated and threw it at the wall and started crying even harder if that's even possible.
I saw the bleach and thankfully that opened.
I hoped it would kill me in an instant.
"Here it goes." "Bye."I said still crying and then chugged the whole bottle down spilling the remaining liquid on my hardwood floor.
Then I started coughing really hardly and throwing up clutching my stomach tightly.
Still coughing hardly I managed to stop the video and then it uploaded onto my page.
I was now very lightheaded but I waited and waited then finally everything got dizzy.
But the worst part is that I think I'm in love with him
Then finally everything went black.
