To Let You Go

2. You're so uptight.

Ever since Gia and I were little, no matter for how long, no matter the occasion, we loved to see each other. We always had each other.

The roofs.. of the houses. They have streaks, from the melting snow. It's like- they hold my tears.. from me. I can't cry anymore. It's not that I shouldn't cry anymore. It's that I physically can't. It's numb. This is such a pain, that just hurts you everywhere. You can't swallow, you don't feel.. anything. I try to talk but nothing makes sense. They are there, the tears.. but they won't flow out. 

"Gia slow down," I said.
"Les, you need to learn how to unwind and not be so uptight!" she replied, practically yelling over the Taylor Swift song playing full volume.

Gia Anderson is the only person who calls me "Les." Leslie Dianne Ambrose is my full name. Gia calling me "Les" was always something so little but so special. No one calls me that anymore.

"I am not uptight!" I said protesting, while trying to put on my most convincing angry face.

"Les. You're funny," Gia said.

"I'm serious! Name one time I was uptight."

"Fine. Watch." Gia replies while pressing on the gas.

"What- Gia; SLOW DOWN!" Now I'm the one who's screaming.

The car starts the slide, accessing no grip because of the smooth ice hiding underneath the non-shoveled road.

"GIA GIA!" My heart starts to attack me with pins and needles. I know she has no control over this anymore.

"Okay- okay- I'm trying- I'm trying-" she says under her breath.

I never got my driver's license. No matter the time, place or situation, Gia was always there to drive, and she would take any opportunity to not be at home. Mrs. Anderson has been the pressuring type of mom, dishing out constant reminders of plans for Gia's future. Living in the moment and living everyday to the fullest was Gia's plan, and she was not going to listen for a second as her mother pondered on and on about whether she should go to university for Culinary Arts or Marketing.

"I'm tired" she would say, after she ranted about her mother's attempt to fill her with thoughts about university before she got out the door. In the whole world of vocabulary, Gia uses "I'm tired" the most. When she says it, she really means she doesn't want to put up with this, not that she is physically drained of energy.

Spinning and spinning.

Until we weren't. 

Until the car rolled over on her side and we were in the ditch. 

How long were we there for? I will never know. 

When I woke, she had blood in her hair and her arms were laying there, limp and lifeless. I couldn't even scream. My whole body was numb. The only thing I felt was my pounding heartbeat. Never has my heart beat been so strong, so loud that I could hear it, making my ears sore. Foreign material in my hair, on my face, but I didn't care. I was awake and she wasn't. Was she dead?