Lucidity is hard

ONCE A SCOUT ALWAYS A SCOUT

I also left them (hippies) alone in my house, because I worn my Scout uniform, and around three in the afternoon, I went to the Scout group, with the mission of opening my own group in the mornings, not to compete with them but also because it was at the same time as it was my Scout group in my home city. I had even asked my Scout leader if I could use the same name, and she said yes. I went with great intentions... I always had great intentions...

I left the hippies "taking care" of my house all messed up. I could not even open the entrance door even entered the living room though. I remember as I was getting ready, they said:

'Wow, she is really a Girl Scout, man, she is crazy'...

None of this unsettled me. I was with so high self-esteem so that I really thought I would create a huge, fantastic Scout group and had to take great care not to break the other one, now I recognize my present omnipotence always.

Izaak, Gomes, Si, Noah, ---, Zaki (Senegalese), Octavian, Abdu (Somalian)

So, I went. I got there and even pulled over at the entrance to say who I was, was in a uniform totally different from anyone there, but for me, the guy should have already known, I did not give any explanations and I went straight forward with my motorbike; full-on, I have parked the bike in a forbidden place.

My ex opened a smile when she saw me and I wanted to say hi, I just ignored it. Also, the year before they had taken me out of the teenager's group and had thrown me into the children's group under the supervision of another boss who would not let me do anything, and to replace me they put a guy as they say, "has no scout spirit". Well, I must have about four personalities, the three of me have the scout spirit, and the one I am discovering while I am here, I would like to stay forever at the clinic.

June 3rd, 2014

I remember a film that we have made with Scout group teenagers asking them what they wanted to be in adulthood, and in the end, we were going away and dividing people in the car and one of them, when I heard that would go with me said:

'Weee, I'm going with Yane.

I remember that I had repeated thousands of times, watching again and again but did not cure my depression and often I use to miss Saturdays to use weed.

I really thought of all of this about her smile while she was seeing me there dressed as a Scout. The last time that this happened was when I came to visit her from Curitiba - Brazil, we had met at the airport she was wearing a navy blue skirt with footy socks a blouse on top, I fell in love so fast with her, but so fast, that I remember that we did not even smoke weed in the hotel where we were, we drank warm black beer, it was the first long neck of life That I have drunk half. The first one I have got from my mother when I was 12 years old because I had painted the store. I used to love it.