To Catch a Gust of Wind [COMPLETE]

Chapter 1 - Hidden in White [#3]

"...am I not good enough for you?"

"I... I can help you. I'll look for a job in Manila. I could work. There's no work for me here, you know that, too. I'll try my luck in Manila. There's no future here in the hacienda or in the city, for that matter. You said so yourself. Just let me be with you, please." Thea Marie's voice was more of suppressed sobs than spoken words. More than repressed wishes better manifested with tears. Say it, Rafael, tell me you want me, too, Thea Marie wanted to shout.

"You can find work here, just wait for the right time. I promise I'll get you after my sister has finished college," Rafael tried to console her. How many times did he promise something to Thea Marie? He lost count already. And how many times he had not kept them? One more promise would not hurt, Rafael thought.

"How long shall I have to wait? A thousand things might happen between now and then," Thea Marie said. Any moment now she would burst into tears. "They don't like me, right?" Thea Marie said, looking directly at Rafael. Suddenly, she got up and stood in front of him. "Tell me, they don't want us to get married. Ever since I got pregnant, they don't want me for you. I knew it. Why, am I not good enough for you?" Her voice was almost hysterical, more like snarling. The outburst was not so much one of anger as it was a surge of pent-up emotion long overdue. It changed into sobs and faded into a continuous whimper.

"No." Rafael rose. He tried to sound credible, to calm Thea Marie beside him lest she totally flip out. Tried as he could he felt he couldn't even convince himself.

"Don't you get it? It's just that we're not ready yet. Try to understand. Each of us has so much to achieve in the future. We could not reach it if we get married today." Now Rafael had said it. He went over to the edge of the bench, fearing the backlash from Thea Marie over what he said. Thea Marie followed him.

"So, you care so much more of your ambition than me, and your baby, had she not died. Are you so hard-hearted you can't see me begging you right now? You just can't leave me behind. I need you. Just let me be with you," she pleaded with him once more.

Rafael turned around, his back on Thea Marie. He gasped for breath, as if a pocket of air had lodged in his lungs and wanted to be expelled. He breathed deeply. His thoughts roamed somewhere else. How could he tell her? He felt exhausted. He was practically drained out, what with the long wait at the airport, though he was sure he was asleep during the whole flight and even dreamed of meeting someone whom he could not get off his mind, as if that someone was still a part of him during a time when his innocence was fading, and reality check was starting to engulf him.

At the airport gate, Thea Marie was waiting for him urgently.

There was no 'missing you' exchange between them when they met. The tragedy that occurred in the past few days left both of them awash with grief, and for Rafael, not just because somebody – not just somebody but of his flesh and blood – had died but something happened that exacerbated everything in his book of sorrows.

Rafael came home again in a span of two weeks. He missed the burial of his child, born two weeks premature. As a consolation, he had seen his baby daughter alive a week after she was born. How happy he was then. Pure joy filled his heart at seeing his baby daughter, his own flesh and blood. However, their baby was placed in the incubator. The doctor said she had a weak heart and needed more medical attention than the hospital she was admitted in could provide for.

Three weeks later, after Rafael had already returned to Manila, the news came. The news of death came as a shock and the feelings of pain tinged with guilt was even more shocking. The experience he had gone through within days, of anguish and heartache, was so overwhelming to be felt for the first time.

And much more so with Thea Marie, the woman besidehim, who had become first his lover and best friend later. Or was it theother way around? Rafael wondered...

[End of Chapter 1]