To Catch a Gust of Wind [COMPLETE]

Chapter 2 - Kingdom of the Child [#6]

"You're a good son."

Rafael had heard his father's admonition a thousand times, nay a million times, for all he cared. He's young then, on the cusp of his youth, and the young was supposed to be free of anything. But you're not, the hacienda had chained you.

"Remember your dream, don't get it out of your sight. Remember why you left the hacienda for Manila. Your aspiration. It is for you, not for us. It is now in your hands, don't let it slip from your grip." His father never ran out of words of endless encouragement.

Silence. Sometimes you need silence to let it sink. Internalize. Be one with it, and feel it flow all over. Get the gist and discard the rest.

And then came the sinker.

"There are other women," Tay Paeng reminded him matter-of-factly. "You could have waited for a little more time. They would have come to you, sooner or later." As if his son was available for bidding to be awarded to the highest bidder.

The line has curved to form a circle.

Rafael was silent the whole time during the heart-to-heart talk, he would later call it. All his father's words, all that he had heard since he first listened to his father, came back to him in an instant, even those that he hid forcibly in the back of his mind.

What a big whack on the back of your head.

And of course, you're a good son. Should be. All your life. Listen to the words of your parents. Stand by the fourth commandment. Honor your father and mother. They know what's good for you. They had been there and they suffered. That's why they are telling you this.

When Rafael returned to Manila after he visited his baby in the hospital (before his baby died), his father's words remained with him. The words, filled with nuances and self-expression only his father could come up with, were there the whole flight back. He had even dreamed about them on the plane. How could he not able to say a word in front of his father, let alone talk back? He would never dare. The thought was there, and it lacked words.

The flesh was weak, and so was the spirit; it's pitifully unwilling.

The scenes came back to Rafael. How he decided at last to do what he had desired. He could not sleep at night for he had chosen to go against all odds. But didn't he get what he wanted? After all, he once assured himself, what better timing was there to culminate an eleven-year relationship?

There are other women and the woman seated beside him now was not one of them. Thea Marie got pregnant with his child and the world turned against him. But he couldn't care less. He got his wish. That the woman bore his child was a result of a deliberate act on his part. A calculated decision, he would dare say. A few months more and he'd be a father. Unfortunately, fate was not on his side. Their baby daughter died two weeks after she was born.

When Rafael came back, it was not for his child's funeral. It was a visit to the cemetery to look at his baby's tomb...

"Please don't leave me," Rafael heard Thea Marie speak again. "Please let me be with you. I don't want to stay behind after what happened," she pleaded once again.

Rafael looked around him, oblivious to the voice he heard behind him. He could see the gate of the cemetery in front, its arch brilliant under the sun. Slowly he walked away, retraced the path they had taken an hour ago. It led him through upturned gravestones, broken crosses, and empty tombs. Then he stopped. He heard dry twigs broken under the weight of heavy steps. Thea Marie had followed him hurriedly. Together they stood beside the tombstone of their baby daughter. Rafael tried to suppress his grief, but his face betrayed his feelings. Thea Marie cried in silence.

Rafael could not believe it at first. He never expected it would happen to him, as he thought giving birth was just simple and the baby would just come out easily. How naïve of him. For the first time in his life, he felt changed. The death of his baby girl was more than her death. What grieved him was not so much her death as his defeat. I wonder if I'm in the airplane dreaming about my dead baby's tomb or standing here wishing I'm in the airplane dreaming.

Thea Marie touched his arm and slowly embraced him, sobbing.

[End of Chapter 2]