Crash and burn

With the good, comes the bad

(Slight T.W., this chapter mentions anxiety and topics surrounding it.)

I know it's probably not for the best to jump right in and tell you all that's wrong with me but, you gotta find out at some point.. right?

As I was starting to say, it got bad last night.

I mean heart pounding, stomach ache, hard to breathe and the whole circus that comes with a panic attack. I don't even know what brought it on. It all happened so suddenly and in a single moment my world was spinning and stuck at the same time.

Does that make sense?

I'm not sure that much I say makes sense these days, and you can bet I'll start rambling anytime soon.

I don't wanna get too emotional, gotta keep that "heartless" street cred ;) can't have people looking at me different now can I?

It made me laugh a second ago thinking about how it's crazy that I have no idea who will read this but I'm prepared to share it all.

I want you to know me.

All of me.

It's like you're reading my diary. Weird in a way but also kinda.. sweet? No actually that feels awkward in a creepy manner.. but whatever. And obviously if you are reading this, then you have already passed that feeling that you're invading something you shouldn't.

Let's move on to something different, including a different topic than my incident last night. Maybe at some point I'll tell you a little more about nights like those but for now we should focus on something else.

I want to tell you about a time from my childhood.

It was this one camping trip in the summer I believe. I had gone with cousins and general family. I'm not a big fan of camping out in the woods- mosquitoes get old quick- so we were camping on the coast near the beach. And no I'm not saying that we only went to the beach because I'm scared of bugs. It was already decided. I'm not spoiled you know.

Anyways, my cousins and my brothers were getting pretty bored, as was I. So we figured we should play some sort of game. It started off with tossing a football around one minute and the next I was up in a tree.

I know, 10 to 100 in a matter of seconds. I can't quite recall how I got up into the tree or why but I'm scared of heights. And to little old me.. it felt like life or death.

That was sort of a dumb story but like I've said a million times before, I want you to know me. And this is how you do it. The little things add up.

Until next time, a friend.