shrek x reader

next chapter

Eds words rang in your brain. "Heavenly scent"? You sniffed your clothes and nodded in appreciation. Ed smiled at you hopefully but you shook your head. "My kisses are reserved for Shrek and Shrek only."

"Really?" Shrek stared at your lips. Then he snapped out of it. "I don't want to kiss you, you little snail. You suck at kissing and my lips are only for the best kissers, like Ed." He then started to make out with Ed. Things between them started to get a bit NSFW so you left the room to go eat a banana. You then realised that you didn't have any bananas.

So you went to the store to buy some. But then the store was closed. You started to cry. "Are you okay?". Shrek must have followed you there. He sat down next to you. "I'm sorry for hating on your kisses, I'm sorry but they suck!"

That made you cry even more. You ran away from Shrek, leaving him there in the dark. You turned around one last time to see his sad eyes following you but you don't care. You just kept running. And running. And after that you ran some more.

How could your kisses suck?! You had practiced so much on your shrek-shit but all that training was useless now. You had been in love with Shrek for as long as you could remember. Ever since you first saw his movie. It had kinda made you act up ngl.

You finally stopped running, you had reached a bridge. As you looked at the dark waters beneath you, you realized that you were too good for Shrek. Sure he was hot and shreksy but other than that he was just an average ogre. Who smells really bad too. Yes, he really was stinky and crusty.

Maybe hooking up with Ed is still a possibility you thought. At least he notices me and calls me nice things. But it would just be to get back at Shrek for making you feel bad about yourself. You still love Shrek (sadly). That would not end well. But yo needed a rebound. 

You googled Eds number. It was 12345-6789. You thought it was a great number. So you called it. "Hey Ed, It's me" you said putting on a sultry voice. "Wanna Netflix and chill if you know what I mean...." you continued. 

"Hell yes" Said Ed. "Come over right away so we can get right to it." 

You thought that it was a good idea so you went over to his house. When you got there Ed had already picked a movie. To you dissapointment it was (least/favourite/movie). But that didn't stop you. As soon as you sat down you started making out with him. He didn't resist like Shrek did though. He really went for it. And you liked it.