Karakura-Raizer Angel [Bleach Fanfic]

I fall [29]

"I should've kept a closer eye on ya before," Shinji said softly.

"No, you did what you could," I shook my head, "None of us was expecting Aizen to go after me," I muttered, "Even myself." 

Shinji cupped my face, looking straight into my eyes, "If I had kept a closer eye on ya, ya wouldn't have gone through all of that," he muttered.

"It wasn't your fault," I placed my hand over his, brushing his hand with my thumb, "I provoked the bastard and decided to engage with him, even though there were obvious signs I shouldn't."

"What happened was not yer fault and never will be," he said firmly, shaking my head a little, "No matter what ya said or did, he had no right to treat yer like that. And ya have no rights to take the blame, all right?"

"Yes Captain Hirako sir," I muttered, laughing a little. 

He grinned, "Careful with addressing me captain," he said, "With the way yer saying it, I might kiss that pretty mouth shut," his eyes went to my lips, "With yer permission, of course."

I inched a little closer to him, "Go ahead, Captain Hirako," Hirako-taichou. He came a little closer to me. I closed my eyes. His lips ghosted above mine. His warm breath settled on my lips. He came a little closer and—

"Captain Hirako?" someone knocked on the door, "It's Lieutenant Hinamori... I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said meekly through the door. The two of us stopped, and I quickly made distance between us. Shinji did a quiet sigh, "Come in, Hinamori," he said tiredly, turning back to his paperwork.

I could tell he didn't have much of a break being captain.

Hinamori Momo slid the door open and entered the room. Her hands were full of paperwork. The brunette paused, looking between her captain and me. "W-Was I interrupting something?" she quickly asked, "I can come back tomorrow morning." I quickly waved my hands, "No, no! If anything, I'm the one interrupting Hirako-Kun with his paperwork by dropping here suddenly," I said, fiddling with my fingers right after.

"It's fine, Hinamori," Shinji said, turning to the brunette, "More paperwork, huh?" he lets out an exasperated sigh, "I guess it can't be helped," he motioned to the pile next to him, "Just leave it here with the rest." Momo nodded and placed it neatly beside the stack.

"Good night, Captain Hirako."

"Good night, Lieutenant Hinamori."

"Good night, Neddy."

"Good night, Momo-San."

The door shut behind her, and the two of us went silent. I looked around the room, my fingers tapping on my thigh. "I should go," I muttered quietly. "No," Shinji answered, "Stay, I enjoy yer company here," he said, "Makes the work seem lighter."

I placed my head on his shoulder, watching him do his paperwork. The two of us were silent, but it was a comforting sort of silence. It started to pour outside. I paused for a second, hearing a cat's meows. I looked at the door, getting up for a second.

I slid the door open, letting the black cat in. I looked at Shinji, "I hope you don't mind," I said softly, gesturing to Yoruichi. "It's fine," he answered, his eyes still on his work. I settled back right next to him. "I'm not... I'm not interrupting you, am I?" I asked softly. I quickly shook my head, "I should stop talking. I'm sorry."

"No, yer not interrupting me," he turned to me, "Y'know... ya could stop belittling yerself," he said, "Ya been doing that since we met." 

"Oh," I said, looking away from him, "Well, what am I compared to all of you? All of you are Soul Reapers or people with amazing abilities while I'm just...me," I shrugged.

"Yer doing it again," he muttered.

"Oh! Uh--," I laughed nervously, "It's in my nature, I guess...?"

"Ya shouldn't compare yerself with other people."

"But... other people are better than me and I should remember that..."

"Who told ya that?"

I paused, "My parents..." I mumbled under my breath, biting on my nails. It was hard to shake off. I grew up being compared with other people too often. Why can't you be at the top of your class? One of your classmates did it! I knew my parents were only trying to encourage me, but I couldn't help but feel like everyone around me was better.

Everyone was better than me no matter what. Because I was just me.

"Look at me," he took my face into his hands, turning my head to him. "Ya shouldn't belittle yerself like that. Yes, ya aren't a soul reaper captain and whatnot. But yer special, even without all yer powers. Remember how we first met?" he asked.

I paused, "We met at the festival," I answered.

"Ya helped me," he said.

"It's only a little! I only gave you a handkerchief."

"Yer doing it again."

"Um well, I..." I found myself trying to search for the correct Japanese words to defend myself. I lived with it for such a long time, that it was hard for me to break the cycle. I was fully aware of the difference between being humble and belittling actions.

I was just unsure how to apply it to myself.

"I'm sorry, I—." Shinji hit me gently on the head with the side of his hand. I held my head, "Awak ni dah kenapa..." What's up with you... I mumbled, looking away from him. 

"Ya keep saying those same words. What are ya apologizing for?" he asked, patting my head gently.

"S-Sor—," I stopped myself from saying it. I paused, "Maaf..." Sorry, I mumbled. He narrowed his eyes, "I may not understand what ya saying, but I hope it wasn't an apology," he muttered. I laughed nervously, fiddling with my fingers.

"I'm s—," I shook my head, "I should leave," I said softly, "I'm bugging you, it's obvious because you aren't getting your work done." I slowly got on my knees, ready to stand up. Shinji stopped me by holding onto my arm, "Jeez, yer more stubborn than the soul reapers I have to work with," he muttered.

Upon hearing that, I felt my face getting red with embarrassment. I was thankful the only light source in that room was a candle. "Neddy," he sighed, "I don't think people tell ya this enough, but yer special. I don't know what people have told ya but don't let people tear ya down or use ya."

His hand went to my arm, I flinched away immediately. I shook my head, "Sor—." he placed a finger on my lip for a second. I looked to my lap, mumbling a silent apology. I started tearing up, sobbing. "Ned?" he gently placed his hand on my shoulder.

I threw myself at him, sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, I just..." I gripped onto his captain haori, "Nobody said ever those words to me," I tried my best to control myself, but it was difficult. I always seem to fall apart at supportive words, "Thank you, thank you," I repeated those words as I sobbed heavily onto his chest.

Shinji stroked the back of my head and planted a kiss on top. He sighed, "Ya apologized again."