Filtered heart

no title. (spoken word poetry)

 Words can hurt. More than you will ever know

One simple word like trust or love can make me tear up

Don't say you understand me

You don't understand me

don't tell me to talk to you if all its ever going to go to is what aleesa needs to work on

Don't say you understand what i want

All i've ever wanted was someone to hug me and say its okay you don't have to pretend you fine

Look in my eyes give me a sad smile

Give me a shoulder to cry on

All I get is.

" do i need to take you to the hospital again?!"

"Stop ruining your skin!"

" work on communication"

"Our walls are built. You need to meet us halfway."

Why?

I'm that shoulder for other people. I'm the smile the hug the it's okay

So.

Tell me why am i always the only one left at the end of the day

Focus on my sister

Only on her

Forget to hug me but you hug her

Make jokes with her not with me

Feel sorry when she cries

Annoyed when i do

I'm sorry I cry whenever I get yelled at.

I'm sooo sorry I flinch when you reach out to me.

How can I build the walls to meet you halfway. When you don't show me u wont hurt me

Show her but not me

Don't tell me to stop ruining my skin if you ruined yours before

Don't tell me to work on communication when you cant even do it

Don't tell me your sorry if you never mean it

I don't pretend to be okay. Because i can't. When i try to smile i start crying.

I love her more than i love myself

I'd die for her she wouldn't die for me

She's the only family i have left

I'm not sorry. I dont give a shit about myself.

I'm just sorry you think you know me

I'm sorry you think i'm mean

I've got walls built not bridges

I've got armor not a lock

No one gets the "key" to my heart.

Why should they?

Everyone makes me feel lonely

Everyone has a boyfriend girlfriend or a shoulder to cry on

But people like me?

What do we get?

The shit we need to work on is what we get

Our hearts left teared apart is what we get.

A hospital not a hug is what we get

Stereotypes is what we get

Broken mind broken heart is what we get

Empty promises is what we get

Words we never get to say is what we get

We never get to actually say we're okay never!

We hope there will be a day

But sometimes

We get tired of waiting

And we start to fade away

But your never notice

They never notice

" you don't know what you have until it's gone"

Right?

Well guess what im gone my hope is gone my bridges are gone. My smile, my laugh, my tears are gone.

But let me guess you won't even notice until I'm dead. Right?

I'm not gonna die. I need to stay alive for my sister. She needs me even if she keeps hurting me

I will never leave her side.

People like me just want to be okay.