pictures i paint in my head

love takes time

my head was filled with butterflies. but now i know it was no good. because i needed time.

time to heal my wounds, time to understand what love is, and time to love myself. i always thought, if i can't love myself, i need someone else to make me feel loved. but just as it's not my responsibility to make them happy all the time, it's not their responsibility to teach me love.

i fall in love with people easily. not because i know them well. not because they're perfect for me, but because i want them to be. relationships shouldn't be a distraction from a previous one.

we need love. but we can't idealize someone just because we don't want to be lonely. for me, i now begin to understand that i need time. time to be alone but not lonely. because i have friends and family. i need time because i have to start loving myself first, accepting, that i don't depend on someone to make me happy.

i have still so much to learn. i want to be grateful, i want to be happy, i want to be someone, someone else could fall in love with. i know it takes time. 

-n