Peer Counseling is Too Troublesome

Chapter 5

Warning: Foul language used.

"So... you're telling me that these slips are the appointments I'm getting assigned to?"

"Yepp," Asuma-sensei answered, not bothering to look up from the Calculus tests he was grading. Shikamaru didn't even bother to hide the look of disgust on his face.

Besides Chouji's appointment and a few others, the Peer Counseling Program had been slow to receive any new appointment forms until yesterday on Monday, when every Konoha High School student suddenly decided that they needed help with everything, from tying their own shoelaces to studying for college exams

"But like half of these," he started shuffling through the ten forms he was given, "are ridiculously stupid." He shoved seven forms on top of the Asuma-sensei's tests.

"Ami," he pointed at one written in sparkly purple ink. "She wants me to play matchmaker for her and Sasuke."

"Hibachi," this time he pointed at a form written completely in hiragana. "He wants to know how to pass Iruka-sensei's fitness test at the end of the quarter. How do you even fail P.E.??"

Shikamaru continued. "Kasumi wants to know how she can become cuter so the guy she likes starts noticing her. Kota wants to know how to tell his mom her cooking is disgusting. By the way, you missed number five on that one. The antiderivative should be 2.775, not 2.575. Fuki is struggling to figure out if she wants to be a skater girl or a bowler. Peripopo is trying to convince his friends that boba is not disgusting. And Haruko's isn't even an actual problem, she's just inviting the program members to her tea party so that she can beat her friend Hanako! Look, there's even an RSVP!!"

Asuma-sensei blinked. "Tell me again why you're not in my Calculus class."

"Because it's too troublesome, and you're avoiding my question."

"Well, what is your question?"

"Why the f- heck do I have so many appointments for problems that aren't even important? The other three forms, as troublesome as they are, make actual sense because they want advice on actual conflicts. Meanwhile, these forms here," he gestured to the ones still resting on Asuma-sensei's tests, "can easily be solved if they just looked it up."

"I don't think Google would necessarily be a good matchmaker for this girl and..." Asuma-sensei picked up Ami's form, "Uchiha."

Shikamaru groaned. "Tell me you're joking. I'm not just asking for myself either, you know. Ino is currently getting ready for war along with Sakura because of Ami and Kasumi. She suspects the guy Kasumi likes is also Sasuke, and if I don't get permission from you to drop those forms, they'll probably start a rampage tomorrow morning."

Asuma-sensei took out the now nonexistent lollipop out of his mouth and threw the stick at the closest garbage can in the library. It made it in easily. "Of course I'm joking, but you're right, we need to prevent that rampage from happening. I'll take Ami and Kasumi's forms and reassign them, but don't tell anyone else, alright? I'll give you two new forms, and yes, you'll still be handling the rest as planned. That's final."

Shikamaru just pinched his nose and let out a sigh. "Tell me again why I signed up for this."

Asuma-sensei shrugged as he casually unwrapped a new lollipop. "I don't know, you need to ask yourself that. If it makes you feel better, most people in the program were assigned about fifteen appointments with the same problems as the seven forms you were complaining about. Because the three that you got were determined to be more serious and take more time, you and Ino's load got reduced."

"So our appointment load gets determined by the content of the forms," he deadpanned.

"Yepp." Shikamaru could smell a waft of root beer waft up to his nose from Asuma-sensei's lollipop.