Of Constellations → 𝘥. 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘧𝘰𝘺

xxiv. unexpected advice

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chapter twenty four

unexpected advice

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For months, I measured my days in finalized essays and empty inkwells. I spent so much time in the library, lessons and meals and nights in the common room melted into an incoherent blur.

The library was normally vast, but as the entire fifth-year class camped out across all available tables with O.W.L.s looming over our heads, it began to feel crowded and small.

My weeks fell into a familiar pattern. On weekdays and Sundays, I went to classes and studied with my friends. But, on Saturdays, I often studied with Draco while my friends took their days outside.

He would always get to the library in the afternoon, an hour or two after lunch. And, even if I wasn't sitting in an obvious spot, sometimes on a different floor or hidden in a quiet nook deep in the maze of books, he would always find me and we'd study until the library closed.

He never asked me for more Pepperup, but I sometimes offered some if he looked particularly tired. My concern about him potentially manipulating me for a hit of the potion was assuaged. Besides, it was a bit silly to be concerned about it in the first place—if he was really that desperate, he could always go to Slughorn.

Still, it wasn't quite like being friends. We hardly spoke. There was one day I helped him with a particularly science-y Astronomy problem (during which he discovered what a black hole was), and another day when I found out he was taking Alchemy. I asked him how he liked that class because I was also interested in taking it and he spent a good hour waxing poetic about how fascinating he found the subject. It was very cute. 

I wasn't sure what my goal was. To gain his trust and convince him to abandon being a Death Eater? (Yeah, like that was realistic.) To learn more about his mission and thwart it? (Closer, but I didn't exactly have a death wish.) I was beginning to wonder if I was helping him or helping him get closer to achieving his goal.

I wanted to do something, but I didn't even know where to start. Theo refused to talk about the subject whenever I brought it up to him.

I'd considered asking Harry about what he knew, but I didn't want him to do something rash. Ginny had told me that even Hermione and Ron thought he was overreacting with his Draco-is-a-Death-Eater theory, and I didn't want him to get too excited if I told him I agreed with him.

I felt lost and confused. Especially now that I was getting closer to Draco, my desire to help him was only getting stronger. And, even if I didn't care about him, I would feel overwhelming guilt knowing I failed to prevent someone's death if Draco managed to go through with it.

Draco had recently revealed a bit more of his humanity, but I knew he was a little like Theo. He had complete control over what he shared with me. I could tell that his true fear and inner turmoil were locked away deep within him, and he was nowhere near opening that door to let me see.

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Theo joined me underneath our alder tree after he got back from his Apparition exam on the twenty-first of April. He was sweaty and tired. All of the sixth years had been doing terribly and, after his previous lesson, he swore that no one would pass.

"But I did pass," he said. "I didn't Splinch myself, which couldn't be said for some of them. It's really an unpleasant experience, Apparition. I might stick to the Floo Network."