Why Pigs Can't Fly - Another Stupid Tale

Why Pigs Can't Fly - Unabridged (Part 2)

Susanni wanted nothing more than to collapse with anger and grief, but at that moment, she remembered her audience who had been watching with a heightened interest. She screamed furiously for them all to leave, and they did without hesitation. Only once they left did she allow herself to wail inconsolably. She began pounding her fists on the floor of the temple, complaining about how unfair it was to be tested until she felt her ears shift slightly. She then left the temple. The pigs, who had remained there after the other spectators had gone, trailed her dutifully, but Susanni did not have the patience to deal with them.

Susanni brought her children to a farmer who had always been kind to her. She told him that they were called pigs, and that, surely, they would have some purpose. She told him to deal with them however he liked so long as he treated them well. When the farmer asked why, she just laughed bitterly and stalked away.

When she awoke the next morning, she found that she did indeed look like a hag. She did all that she could to alter her appearance, but she soon realized it was fruitless. There was no fighting it.

So, Susanni lived out the three years as a hag. It was difficult for her. She had to take care of herself a task she had forgotten how to do, and many times, when she asked for help, she was turned away. She felt indignant at the treatment, but whenever she attempted to explain and receive more respect, she felt her throat shift or a different part of her body twitch. Eventually, she gave up trying, and accepted any assistance she was offered.

On the last day of the third year, there was a knock on Susanni's door. It was storming outside, so she was not particularly surprised to see a drenched beggar woman when she opened it. The woman asked for shelter for the night. Susanni felt inclined to deny her, yet she knew this could be a test. Besides, she told herself, I look no different than her.

Susanni welcomed the beggar. She fed her, took care of her, and gave her a bed to stay in for the night. The next morning, when Susanni went to her kitchen to prepare a meal, she was shocked to find Aphrodite waiting for her in the clothes she had lent the beggar woman.

"You have passed your first and second tests," Aphrodite sounded rather disappointed. "Your third trial is not for me to explain. I'm sure you already know what it is."

Susanni nodded. She had an idea.

Aphrodite unbound her from Calydon and restored most of her beauty. "I am afraid I cannot completely give you back everything, as you must keep your piglike features," she explained. "This is the best I can do." The goddess then vanished.

Once Aphrodite left, Susanni began packing. She did not feel any remorse as she fled Calydon. In fact, she was quite glad she could leave.

The night she left, Susanni dreamed she was a Hunter of Artemis again. The dream began peacefully, idyllically even. She was with her friends again, chasing down monsters when suddenly Artemis materialized. Her friends disappeared, and the beasts she had been hunting morphed into birds. She was alone with the goddess of the hunt and the Double – Crested Cormorants that were her family. "Susanni," Artemis said in greeting. "You know what you must do."

She held out two objects to Susanni. Susanni took them and was bewildered by what she saw. "How?" She wondered aloud. In her hands were the very bow and quiver she had used when she was a hunter, the very ones that she had burned when she'd arrived in Calydon.

Artemis smiled. "That does not matter. I do hope they serve you well. You will need them for your final test."

Susanni suspected and dreaded the answer to her next question, but she asked it anyway. "You want me to hunt my own children?"

"Not quite. You will know your full task when the time comes. For now, know that I want you to track your children, yes, but you will not kill them. At least, you will not intentionally kill them. I cannot guarantee their safety."