Truly Yours, Jules

July 27th

July 27th 2022

Dear stranger,

Today is better. Now her birthday has passed the cloud seems to have lifted somewhat, the days seem a little bit sunnier. Writing things down seems to be helping. It appears to be giving me a little bit of comfort. I like to think she is here with me, laughing to herself as she sees me writing down all of this.

I stopped in here again on my way home, thought I would once again try to get back to some sort of normality. After her death, I didn't do any of the things we used to do together. Stopped reading, shopping, enjoying life.

I guess this is some part to do with the guilt I feel. I told her not to go, told her we would do it another day. I had this feeling that something wasn't right, she told me I was worrying for no reason. I wish she was right. I have always wondered what it is like after death. I ponder most days, think about what she may be doing in whatever afterlife there is, if there even is one.

Today as the sun shines, I finally finished the book, thought I would headout today to buy the film and see how it compares. I'm sure as usual it will be a disappointment. I am trying to see things more positively, notice the good things rather than the bad. I'm getting there.

The first month after her death was the hardest, I couldn't get out of the habit of going to call or text her to see how her day had been. I wanted nothing more than to tell her what was going on, the little things from my day to day life. It was strange to not to hear her voice. I tried calling her phone but her voicemail was only automated, I couldn't get my fix that way.

After a few weeks I got a little more used to it and ended up doing a total flip around, I tried to pretend she had never existed at all. Ignored all the things we used to do, and all the places we would visit. I didn't acknowledge her social media accounts, ignored condolences from friends. This was not helpful either.

I think in my own way I am slowly getting there. Each day is a little bit easier than the last, but still the weight remains. I'm trying, oh I am trying. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, the sun will shine fully again. I've heard that people heal in different ways, at different rates, I have just never experienced it before.

Is it odd to be writing to a stranger? I've no idea what happened to my last letter, if anyone found it or if a member of staff just threw it away. I like to think someone picked it up, wouldn't it be funny if it was the same someone that picked this one up? Apologies there is no coffee this time, friend, I decided to drink it today instead.

I ordered my own favourite drink today, its been a little refreshing. It feels nice to get back to myself, to things I enjoy. Vanilla latte with some fresh cream and a caramel sauce drizzled on top, lush! Just the right amount of sweetness and warmth to fill me with a little bit of joy. It's nice to find myself getting back into my routine of coming here, while it's strange to come alone, it's nice to just sit, relax, and pretend the real world does not exist.

I've made a small pact with myself to come at least once a week, I think it will help, I feel close to her here. I'm trying to find a good book to read to help pass the time. It seems funny to sit and just write a letter to no one, while I sit, I figure reading will be more beneficial in helping me to escape the real world.

For now, I bid you farewell, Stranger. And if you made it this far, then I commend you.

Truly yours,

Jules