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I wondered how it was possible to feel truly comfortable with Nayeon in such a noisy world. She seemed so serene and it calmed me.

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01/13/2019

I got a new shirt today

I woke up early with her still in my arms. It gave me a weird feeling, it wasn't bad or anything, but rather it gave me warmth, just looking at her gave me warmth.

Until the guilt came rushing all over my body again. The guilt that was not supposed to be existing. I don't even know why I feel guilty for hanging out with Nayeon. I'm not even sure why am I feeling this way when in the first place Joy should be the one feeling guilty.

I placed the Laptop that still laid down on my stomach to my side and tried to remove her arms that was hugging me. But instead of letting me she just groaned and held on to me tighter, like her life depended on it.

I didn't want to admit that I like how she acts when she sleeps, how clingy she is when she's unconscious. It made me want to push her away, to get away from her. No, I need to. I need to get away from her. But at the same time, I felt like I needed her.

I didn't want to get away from her.

But I have to.

Just looking at her made my mind calm, but at the same time it made my heart thump. I ordered my heart to calm down, but to no avail. It was beating even faster every time I want it to calm down.

As I stood up and watched her sleep, she made this angry expression, her brows furrowed and she reached her arm out as if she was looking for my presence. As if she was missing me on her side.

I shook my head and chuckled at that crazy thought.

No, it can't be. The one she's looking for right now isn't me. The one she's missing isn't me.

I decided to cook breakfast instead.

While cooking I thought to myself

What if I hadn't met Nayeon that day, what would I be doing today? Would I be starving myself to death? Would I be sulking all day? Would I be throwing things until I can't anymore?

At some point I thought that our encounter was actually a blessing for me. A blessing, in disguise of an insane woman, namely Im Nayeon.

I shake off all the thoughts that are clouding in my head, and focused on cooking.

When she woke up and headed out of my bedroom, she looked pale.

"Morning, You okay?"

She simply nodded. "Yeah, just not feeling better, but I'll be fine. Oh, and sorry, I fell asleep last night."

"It's fine. I'm almost finished cooking. I'll get some medicine for you after I finish cooking."

"Thank you" She simply said as she sat down on a bar stool.

After cooking I went back to my bedroom to get some medicine for her and when I stepped out of the room, I was entranced.

Nayeon was looking out the window, watching the sun rise beneath the tall buildings, smiling like a kid. But I can't help but see the sadness in her eyes. Like this would be the last time she would be seeing that kind of view for the rest of her life.

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