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"𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨𝙜𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙣, 𝙞𝙨𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡,"
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∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
word count: 872 words
warnings: none
I THOUGHT SHE WOULD AT LEAST WALK OVER to me, maybe give me a comforting hug but she didn't. No, it wasn't that I thought she would do that, it was that I wanted her to hug me. I wanted her to throw her arms around me and let me sob into her shoulder, let our bodies be pressed together. I wanted to feel her heartbeat against my chest, needed to feel it.
It dawned on me that in the time she had spent avoiding me I had missed her more than anyone with dignity would care to admit. Missed the feel of her hand in mine, missed the strawberry scent of her hair, missed the knowledge that with her sitting beside me, nothing could go wrong.
She stood a few steps from the doorway as if I were going to attack her and she would need a quick escape. Her lips were pressed together like she had something to say, but wasn't sure how to phrase it.
"What's this all about Lia?" she said finally.
"Why have you been acting so strange since the night we snuck out and smoked?" I blurted out after several painful seconds of silence.
"Me?" she looked shocked.
"Yes you Eloise," I rolled my eyes at her, "you are wearing a necklace that a man gave you. A MAN? How often have you expressed your feelings towards such a subject with the opposite outcome of your current actions?" I was tired of pretending I didn't care because I did.
"I don't I-," she was struggling to find the right words, "I've come to trust you more than almost anyone else in my life Lia, but you're inconsistent."
"What?" I could feel bile in the back of my throat. Inconsistent? Me?
"Sometimes you want to be my best friend in the whole world and spend every second with me," she sighed, "the next moment you're hiding from me and avoiding me at all costs," now she was pacing, "then I'll catch you looking at me across the room with a sense of longing in your eyes," her eyes met mine and I could see the sadness in them, "do you want to be my friend Aurelia because it is incredibly difficult to decipher,"
As much as I wanted to stay silent and keep her in the dark I couldn't do it. The way she was looking at me made my heart sink, I never wanted her to look at me with such sadness. It wasn't that I didn't want to be her friend, I wanted to be more than her friend. The contents of my stomach were threatening to make an appearance if I didn't speak soon, and I really didn't want a cherry stain on my dress.
It's now or never Lia.
I swallowed and looked down at my hands that were fussing with a string hanging from my dress.
Now or never.
I took a deep breath and met her eyes again.
"God El of course I want to be your friend. I want to be the friend you hopelessly fall in love with. The one you take into your arms and your bed and tell all the things you can never tell anyone else. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shapes your lips make as you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body. I want to know where to touch you. I want to know how to touch you. I want to have inside jokes with you that only we know about. Yes, I want to be your friend, I want to be your best friend. Your favourite person in the whole wide world. I want so many things, Eloise. I want your mind. I want your bravery. I want to be worthy of your time. I want to feel your skin flaming against mine. I want to feel your heart racing and know it was me that made it beat so fast. I want you to want me so badly that the feeling never goes away. Even if we're not together, even if you're touching someone else I want you to want me. I want you to want me until your body is covered in shivers because you never want me to stop. I want every part of you. Every flaw. Every mistake. I want all of you,"
Her face was blank and expressionless throughout my whole speech. I thought maybe she'd cry, or scream at me but as I finished she looked too shocked to say anything.
"I... I have to go," were the words that eventually left her lips.
She turned, throwing the door open and sprinting down the halls without giving me more than a single glance.
are my current emotions reflected in my writing? yes, yes they are.
